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Relationships

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Original poster

How important are looks to you?

14 replies

Ax688 · 31/08/2018 12:02

I've met such an amazing, smart, kind guy. He offers me everything I would want in my life. And in fact he is probably out of my league and too good for me. I Iove sending time with him. We can talk about anything.

I just Dont know if I'm attracted to him. Some days I am and others I'm not.

Im a believer that you fall in love with someones personality and they become more attractive to you.

What are everyone else's views?

Would you stay if you weren't attracted? Or are looks not that important.

Just curious what other people think

OP posts:

StressedGuy · 31/08/2018 12:07

I think there needs to be at least some sort of attraction, but someone doesn't necessarily have to meet your idea of perfection.

A person's attractiveness can change over time, so even if you thought someone was very attractive initially, 20 years, illness and 3 stone later and the situation could well be different - do you then leave?

What about in later life when looks diminish considerably?

I think someone needs to be at least a 5 out of 10 to begin with, then as you say - love, trust, companionship, friendship etc will ultimately distort your perception anyway.

Racecardriver · 31/08/2018 12:09

Looks fade. Only an idiot takes looks into the equation.

1111Cleopatra · 31/08/2018 12:16

I think it’s a very personal decision. I have been attracted to very traditionally handsome men & men who others wouldn’t be attracted to. I think attraction is very important, I couldn’t have a relationship with someone who I wasn’t physically & mentally attracted to. Looks do fade, but in my opinion, even when the person has aged or put weight on, the reason for the initial attraction is still there or you can recall it. If it wasn’t there in the first place, then (for me personally) I probably wouldn’t be able to sustain a long, long term relationship. Sorry if that sounds shallow!

MysweetAudrina · 31/08/2018 12:17

Looks and attraction are two completely different things. I think looks improve when there is attraction but I don't think looks come into when there is no attraction. For me attraction is chemical and has fuck all to do with looks.

Gingerlover2 · 31/08/2018 12:19

You have to be physically attracted to someone you may be intending to spend the rest of your life with. You will be sleeping together every night and therefore, obviously having sex.

Sure some women (and men) fake it until they make it as they consider the relationship as a whole to be worth pretending for, but the cracks eventually show and resentment builds.

There is a lot to be said for charisma, which even if your partner isn't the most attractive, it doesn't matter because they excite you in a different way.

You don't say how long you've been with him. Have you kissed him? because some times that can make a world of difference. Some gorgeous guys can be terrible kissers and that switches off the passion and vice versa.

Branleuse · 31/08/2018 12:25

Its very important to me that i find my partner physically attractive.

That doesnt mean they have to look like a model or that its the same thing that other people find attractive, but id never go out with someone i didnt fancy physically. I did at one point and it just felt wrong

HeckyPeck · 31/08/2018 12:35

This

Gingerlover2 · 31/08/2018 12:48

Yeh MysweetAudrina has it spot on

Rachel233 · 31/08/2018 12:51

Well, to be honest a handsome man is attractive and he could easily catch my attention whatever he does. But most importantly, inner beauty is what we human need to care about; it's the truth.

userxx · 31/08/2018 12:53

MysweetAudrina - 100% agree.

OP it's the chemistry that is missing, you've stated that you think he's out of your league so he must be a good looking guy. You cant force chemistry if its not there.

AnnabelleLecter · 31/08/2018 12:57

It's important to fancy them enough to keep the lights on.
Some days at certain angles I fancy DH more than others.

mogratpineapple · 31/08/2018 15:59

Yes, I was going to say chemistry. I have seen some men who are drop dead gorgeous but after about two minutes I don't feel the buzz of attraction. Attraction - chemistry - can be the way he smiles, the way you feel around him. It's the buzz of attraction which is not necessarily about being typically good looking.

It can change; to me it is very fluid. Some days my bloke is so hot I can just spend time gazing but other days he only scores a 1. Notably when he's being a dick. No one's hot when they're a dick.

Theresnodisneyending · 31/08/2018 16:05

Looks are an initial factor, imo. But very small in relevance.

eyycarumba · 31/08/2018 16:46

I thought DP was good looking but I didn't find him attractive when we first got together, like, at all. Completely not my 'type' physically and not much sexual chemistry...but we got on like a house on fire, so I stuck it out. Few months in it started building, few years down the line now I fancy the pants off him and the sexual chemistry is very much there.

I do think there has to be a very small level of attraction though, I once went dated a man who was wonderful and thought the world of me...couldn't get past the lack of attraction though and I wouldn't let him near me as the thought of anything more than a drunken kiss made me cringe (and still does) I ended up resenting him a bit for being so nice!

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