Ok... I have been with my partner in and off for 6years. In the earlier years of our relationship, I was very much on the outside of his life. For example, he would have a work do, or a reunion of his ex ( adult) pupils, and it seemed he would always forget to tell me, or when I did find out about it, he would say " well, you are very welcome to come along. " Which is polite and expected, but didn't inspire me to think he actually wanted me there. It happened loads, and was the reason we split up many times. He did also push\ pull me , go cold etc.
We had a big break and got back together. We had the " what have you been up to" conversation and I was honest ( had dated, but only one second date and nothing physical). I never would have been back with him if he had a full relationship with someone else ( it would have felt icky). Eventually found out he wasn't honest. Just to be clear, I understand he was free to date, we weren't together, but he lied to me.
He also lied about an ex adult student who he said he only mentored a few times ( she began teaching). I then found out they had day trips ( as part of a group at his instigation and wi th him specifically asking her as well). And they had gone to a lecture together with another colleague.Again, this happened when we were apart, but he lied about it.
We broke up for a year, got back together, and things have been different.
He makes a massive effort to make sure he shares his life with me, I'm included etc. He tries very hard to not " shut down " and freeze me out. He's my best friend, I'm his, we talk constantly,and I love him to bits.
The trouble is that I recently found out that years ago he had lied to me about attending a lecture with his ex student ( she is an adult). At the time, I wanted to go, he was pretty clear that he didn't want me to go and went anyways. He recently confessed that he did go with her. The reunion of ex students ( again, a few years ago) was her group. I just found that out.
So, although it happened years ago,I just found out about it recently, and it's eating me up.
He defriended her on fb( i didn't ask it expect him to), but since then has come off fb.
He also has another ex student who he is friends with ( young pretty, flattering to him that she is friends with him). Again, he used to keep me separate, but is now making a huge effort. She has given him loads of crafty items that she has made, he has bought a few as well, with the result that his living room has about 15 items made by her. It bugs me. He thinks they are just things, and stubbornly won't reduce the number.
I don't believe he cheated or ever has. I do believe that he compartmentalize d. He seems to just starting to be aware of his relationship patterns and is trying to stop.
He genuinely doesn't get that all the stuff in his living room is a reminder to me of all the disrespectful things that he did before.
I don't know what I'm asking really! Except that maybe is it possible to draw a line under what has happened? Am I being overly sensitive? Or overly stupid?