Another baby - please no! Child Number 4?

[manda77]

Hello all,
Just wanted some advice....regarding my current situation. My DH wants another baby...I'm not sure....Between us we have 3 boys. I have a 14 DS from a previous relationship and we have 2 sons together, aged 3 1/2 years and 19 months. My ex partner does not pay a penny in child maintenance and does not have any contact with DS/ has not seen him since last August. I am not currently employed which does put many financial constraints on me. My DH is desperate for another child..his 3rd my 4th. My reasons against are as follows...my 14 year old is very difficult to parent, I am 40, I have suffered 2 blood clots in pregnancy with the eldest and youngest, I also suffered a vaginal wall prolapse with youngest and symphisis pubis (I was in agony for last 4/5 months of pregnancy with severe pelvic pain, I was given a 1/3 chance of youngest DS having Downs Syndrome...he was fine - they got it wrong but it impacted on me quite considerably), I have no support network, middle DS will attend preschool 4 days a week but otherwise no childcare help..in-laws live in Spain and don't speak English or visit us, my parents live 50 miles away and rarely visit/help with childcare. I have one acquaintance nearby who might be able to help in an emergency but she has children of her own and is single. Am I being unreasonable by stating now that I do not want another one? I never said I wanted to have 3 kids with DH.

4 is obscene

YANBU go to your doctor and sort out contraception.

I wouldn't! And I've got 3!

There are reasons you are so against this. Take heed of them. Are you afraid he will leave you if you don't have another baby with him. At 40, and given your history and circumstances, I think you'd be mad to have another one.

I think you have answered your own question with the information you have given. What would be the benefit of having 4 children? You would need to dedicate more time, more space, more money, more of your health and sanity.... I can't think of a reason for you to have a 4th in your current situation. Your DH needs to be realistic.

Why does your DH want another child?. What's his reasoning behind such a decision?. You have every right to not have any more children so is he really disregarding what is happening with both you mentally and physically and his family unit generally.

On a much wider level I would also seriously consider pursuing a maintenance claim against your ex partner as he is financially responsible for his child.

Of course you are NOT BU
Your thoughtless DH is though.
Have you listed to him what you have here.
Because, if he truly loved you he would not be asking this of you!
Make sure you get some good contraception and do not put yourself through any of that again.
You don't want to - so don't!

You'd be beyond stupid to have another & you know it. All your reasons are valid & if your DH keeps pushing for another you should really be considering just how much he loves & respects you.