Dating limbo: the Almost Relationship

[NatVoll]

Here I am, yet once again, realising that I have fallen in the trap of an Almost Relationship. You know that Almost Relationship limbo, when you are almost together, almost a couple, almost in love, but not really?This is the third time this happens to me, and I am started to think I am doing something wrong here.

We are definitely not Fwb, as I clarified when we started dating 4 months ago. I said I was not interested in that type of setup and that I was looking for a relationship, and he said he felt the same way. Both around 30 and no kids. Both with big careers.

We meet once a week, have a lovely afternoon, evening and night together, we chat about things and share a bottle of wine. The sex is great.

And yet, I can see this is not progressing into an actual relationship. We are two singles going on dates together once a week. We haven't increased the frequency of our dates, and in between dates we communicate maybe once or twice a day with humorous texts. He is crazy busy, and every weekend he is off to some fun trip with his buddies, but of course I am never included in any of his plans nor he seems to plan to include me anytime soon. He is having an absolute blast living his bachelor lifestyle with parties, trips, freedom and friends.

I feel like there is no real intimacy and I don't feel like I am getting to know him increasingly more, nor him me. He doesn't share any relevant information about himself, and when I ask I feel like he is uncomfortable. He says he needs time to open up.

When I try to share information about me and my past, he listens but doesn't really ask questions, so I wonder if he is interested at all (spoiler: probably not).

I feel like we are two singles who enjoy a few hours together once a week. He is lovely with me, kind and cuddly when we are together. We share a similar sense of humour. I am sure this setup would suit a lot of people, but it is not enough for me and I know I'll have to end this, as I don't see it progressing any further than this.

I am just a bit bummed about the fact that I seem to keep getting stuck in this dating limbo over and over again.

Am I doing something wrong? Please share your dating limbo/ almost relationships wisdom!

Whatshoingon we usually see each other on a week night, or during the weekend if he is in town.

And btw this man declared (completely unprompted by me) that he has canceled all his dating apps and that he is not going on dates/ chatting to other women.

He gets sex once a week with no strings attached, he is a happy man. You are not happy with this so need to have the make or break chat .

I don’t think you can improve or change things by Having A Talk about them, in this discussion.

What’s probably happening is you are seeing things through a GirlTime perspective: “we’ve been dating for ages - 4 months. But we never see each other, just once a week.” While he is seeing it through a GuyTime perspective: “We’ve only just started dating and we see each other every week!”

If it’s not enough for you, I’d show that through my actions because they are the ONLY way to communicate with men. If you try and instigate a talk, it fails because they look at your actions (sitting here, not leaving, upset at me but not going anywhere) and don’t believe you.

Soooooo - I guess you’re annoyed because you’ve put all your eggs into this one basket but you’ve sat on them for 4 months and nothing’s hatching? Then jump off the eggs, sugar! Start acting like you’re truly single. Book up your week and weekends with fun single plans - not out of spite, but just to remind yourself that you actually have a fun life outside this guy. Start making weekend plans if he’s always out of town. If your weekend plans accidentally coincide with a weekend when he’s in town - well, who knew? Not your fault, he does it all the time. Don’t do it deliberately, but stop not-making fun plans in case he’s going to be free.

If he’s treating you to no commitment, you really need to do the same. It’ll stop you feeling so resentful.

Plus, maybe stop the every-day messages. They’re a treat you only have time to give to your actual BF.

Do this for a month or so until HE initiates the Talk with YOU. Or you meet someone more in tune with what you consider a real relationship.

And I have no idea how the phrase “sugar” made its way into my post... sorry 🙈

He doesn't sound very into you Op.

What do you want to do about this situation?

You've described a 'Situationship' very clearly. At least you're aware of what it is, you're not kidding yourself.

Super-busy is often code for yeah, we can share nice times and good sex occasionally but in a roundabout way I'm letting you know I already have my life and like it just the way it is.

Super-busy with lots of commitments..you can gauge that pretty quickly in a man in which case, don't progress with situation. Even if you're only 1 month in for instance, just end things. Dont let it drag on. If he doesn't want to be 'present' with you and build a relationship with you then he's not for you. A super-busy man is no use to a young woman in her 20s/30s wanting a relationship

Sometimes as women we see 'no-no' signs and ignore them, because we want the man. Being true to yourself and knowing exactly what you want in life means you can circumvent this.

I think you need to withdraw a bit and May be start dating other guys. Say you're busy the next couple of weeks and see his reaction. If he genuinely likes you then he will suggest other times to meet.

At your age and stage in life this set up wouldn't work for me - presumably you want someone decent to settle down with and may be have kids?

As a late 30s single mum a weekly relationship like yours sounds ideal. But I understand why you want more and should have it!

Sounds like he sees you as a FWB/F buddy whatever you want to call it and is basically stringing you along. No doubt about it. I think really after 4 months hes given you his answer really regarding where this is heading.
You could ask him and explain what your after but don't be surprised if hes not forthcoming with more.If theres no joy finish it with him and look for someone who wants to be a fun committed partner not just a shag.