The texts keep on coming from my toxic family.

[LukeSkywalkerBoots]

Thread only a few days ago here:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/_chat/3344230-Just-had-a-shitty-text-exchange-with-my-aunt-Hand-hold-needed

Then my dh got a WhatsApp from my mum saying please can she see our ds and that she is very sad.

Then he got a WhatsApp from my mums husband asking what dh thinks of this ‘business’ (our estrangement) and asking why I didn’t go to my grandads funeral (I was too scared of confrontation by my mother or having a panic attack over seeing her) and why didn’t I send a condolence card to my mum (people don’t send condolence cards to their mothers when their elderly grandparents die!).

Dh deleted both without replying and blocked them on WhatsApp and we both ranted last night about them for about two hours.

It just never ever ends. I’ll start getting letters soon, I guarantee it.

I can’t take any more.

My mother/ stepdad/ father have ruined my entire life with their actions. 25 years I’ve been on antidepressants. I’ve changed my name. I’ve had endless therapy. I’ve posted on here loads.

Where will this end? With me having another breakdown?

My mother is bloody obsessed with my child and desperate to see him, and won’t acceot that I can’t have her in my life because she watched some fucking bully push me around and criticise me and backed him up.

She thinks she’s the victim and has painted herself as being put upon and oppressed for all those years. It’s bollocks.

I keep trying to move on and these messages keep coming. The shit rolls on and on and on. I just want to live peacefully and happily with my husband and son.

Please tell me what do I do here?

No they don’t have to threaten you.

Go through every possible way they might contact you and block all possible ones - make friends lists on social media private as well as having locked down profiles, block, block, block. Solicitors letter saying cease and desist all contact, any future communications will be unread by you/partner and sent to solicitor.

You're doing way, way better than you realise. Xxxx

If you are sure you want no contact ever, then don't even respond, try to lose them as pp suggest. Ignore every contact don't give any encouragement. Block and delete. Good luck

I'm 7 months into NC with my dad. First 6 months was quiet (he actually cut us off, but it was one of many emotional blackmail moves and I called his bluff). Ivrealky felt as though I'd started to heal. Then a couple of weeks ago, an aunt who hasn't been in my life for over a decade got in touch as a flying monkey and although my husband was very assertive with her, and we've blocked her, I've gone back into FOG somewhat.

I totally know how you are feeling, it's very hard.

I remember you

Ok, deep breaths. You’re DOING this. Not just thinking or feeling, you’re doing. And that’s a fabulous thing. You’re strong enough to take action.

If you haven’t already I’d send one more message to them both - that you do not wish to have contact with them and that you will consider further attempts at contact as harassment.

Can you afford a solicitor?

You have come so far from when you first posted, you should be so proud of yourself

I’m not on social media at all and I changed my email and blocked them on my phone and on WhatsApp. If I start getting letters then I will go down the solicitor route.

Sometimes I have thought about reporting some of the violent assaults from my past to the police but they’re many years old and it might be more traumatic than anything else beneficial.

Hi ohfourfoxache 👋

Yes things have moved on a fair bit thank god! I feel like I can breathe and be myself now which is wonderful. I feel like I’m living in the truth now- no more delusions that I had a good family. Ive got clarity.

I am a tiny bit proud of myself... or at least of not giving up on life being better.

I don’t know how much a solicitor would cost? Maybe can afford it, maybe not.

Darling you should not be “a tiny bit proud of yourself”; you should be EXTREMELY proud of yourself. It takes a lot of strength and determination to do what you’ve done, don’t downplay it x

And so it goes on. I hope nobody minds me resurrecting this today but despite my dh thinking he had blocked them correctly on his phone he obviously hadn’t because he got yet another message from my mother which was all breezy like she had just seen him yesterday asking for a couple of items back that were lent to us years ago (one of which got damaged when our basement flooded and was binned but anyway). He replied saying

Hi, as you know your relationship with your daughter is over. This is because of your actions in the past and more recently. I understand your anger but it’s not my problem, I always stayed out of it until the play so I’d appreciate it if you’d stop sending me these random bizarre text messages.

Urgh. They’re definitely blocked now but this shit is like such a cancer in my/ our lives.

I keep checking the doormat for envelopes through our door, which will go unopened in the bin.

I just needed to have a moan here.

Ps re the play he means when she turned up uninvited at our nativity play.

You should set up a bingo card of all the narc tactics and cross them off.

This is a serious suggestion, despite the severity of the situation. When you are faced with such idiocy, then you need to meet it with the same.

If not you could risk spiralling into depression or anxiety or whatever.

The message was classic. Ignore any issues, no acknowledgement or apology and a flimsy excuse. ✅

@aussiebean I laughed at the bingo idea but you’re totally right, there is validity in seeing the situation for being absurd and laughing at it or we risk going mad. You have to learn to just roll your eyes I guess.

Luke you sound so back in control - well done.

Narc's have such a predictable script that bingo is a great idea. I also think it is a bit like a panto with all the characters and amateur dramatics....just envision your DM as the panto dame in all her grotesqueness.....

Don't destroy the letters. Keep them as evidence in case you need to take legal action. Ditto any other messages that slip through, and any that you have already been sent. Stay calm, stay strong.

You can do this. Stay strong. This is NOT your fault x

Your dh sounds ace btw