Does being separated and moving on class as adultery

[Notmymonkies]

What it says really. Divorce proceedings not yet started but has left the marital home.

Nope, you've agreed you're not together

Legally, I pretty sure it does. But perhaps a solicitor can confirm that.

The answer in the eyes of the law is yes. If you are separated from your husband or wife and you sleep with another person of the opposite sex this is adultery under English family law because you are still legally married.

It does not matter if you have agreed with your spouse to see other people, if you do it on holiday abroad, if they have done it first, or even if you have moved in with your new partner. It is still adultery. Your husband or wife can use your adultery as the basis of a divorce petition as it is one of the five facts that can be used to prove that a marriage has broken down beyond repair.

For context i have met a man as mentioned above. He had left the marital home before we met but very recently prior. (Just a few weeks)
We have a connection that I can't ignore but part of me feels uneasy down to the situation.
The marriage was over before me, but I'm worried I'll be brought into the fall out of this and will be used as an escape goat and a reason as to why it ended which I don't want, and of course it isn't.

I've asked to stay anonymous for a while whist things settle down, but he wants us out in the open.

My previous relationship ended because my ex DP had an affair and I know how much hurt and pain it leaves in the wake of it all. I just feel because it is recent there is no way anyone would believe it hadn't been going on before, and I can't bare being painted as the OW even though I know that I'm not.

Sorry luv ... you will be classed as the OW even though you are not ... I wasn't the OW ... my DH ex knows I wasn't the OW but still classed me as the OW and treats me as the OW. Even through there divorce the ex painted me as the OW.

You have decide if you can live with that ... no one cares about the truth... trust me.

It's so hard to know what to do!
Essentially I met an amazing guy and connected with him in a way I didn't think was possible, but there is this grey cloud hanging over us.
I'm such a people pleaser and to be thought badly of really makes me uneasy, especially after what I personally went through in the past.

I'm really falling for him but this is making me question if what we are doing is right.

You be cautious.
Not about what people say but the fact that he's just left a marriage.
It time for him to take thing slowly.
He will a lot of baggage to work through.
You don't want to be the rebound girl ..,.....

Legally yes. Sorry.

Also what is his rush?
Sounds like he trying to prove something.
Tred carefully.

Both me and Do met not long after our marriages ended. We got together about 8 months later.

His ex wife kicked off, even though she was the one that kicked him out and said she would divorce him due to adultery. We split for a bit because I couldn't deal with all the shit. He was worried his son (an adult) would believe he cheated. He spoke to his son who told him, he was being a daft twat. Dp came to his senses and told her to go ahead and do it. She didn't.

They are divorcing under the 2 year separation rule. However she did try to lie and say they had lived together more recently. Until Dp pointed out that she was claiming benefits as a single person since he left, so would be saying she had been commuting benefit fraud.

She is now letting the divorce go through.

We deal with her outbursts together and it helps that we live in a different area to her.

It's really a personal choice. It can be complicated and depends on wether the split is at least a bit amicable or not.

Sorry, yes legally it's adultery. Though from what i can gather lawyers advise against divorcing on these grounds.

And yes you could be named.

I am being cautious and taking baby steps with this. But I can't deny the way I feel about him and vice versa.
Personal circumstances make it difficult to spend time together. (Work, kids, etc) which is why he wanted to go public with it as it would make things easier on us both to see each other.
I've said I don't want that just yet and to wait a good few months at least, which he respects and has agreed to.

I guess I'm just going to have to try and deal with my inner demons around this and let it pan out slowley.

Part of me wonders if we hadnt met would he have gone back and tried again and that eats me up too, leaving me feeling guilty about an alternative future that could have happened, but didnt because of me, which is crazy right.

Most of this stems from my experience of being cheated on, which was soul destroying (typical ex DP left me for a much younger model at work, holding a baby and struggling with everything whist he lived the life of Riley playing EOW disney dad)

even though he had already left, and called time on the marriage for other reasons which I won't go into, because they are only separated and still married i Feel like the OW which is playing havoc with my moral standing.

My divorce took ages, but was ongoing when I was dating someone. In the eyes of the law it was adultery, but we already had the Nisi and if fuckwit ex had delayed everything we'd have been divorced.

I wouldn't be keen to get involved with someone when the divorce process hadn't been started ...

*hadn't

What do you mean by going public?

Me and Dp have never officially announced anything. His family know me as I knew them before I knew him. My family know I am with someone but haven't introduced him yet. My son has met him, but did before we were a couple and he only sees him in passing now.

No need to do labels or anything. Take it slow

Yes legally it’s adultery. My ex divorced me for adultery even though he left and met someone first .

I mean going public by telling the STBX and his family etc. I'm not comfortable with that happening just yet.

My friends and family know about us but I just don't want it in the open on his side.

I don't know... My heads all over the place with it all 😣

My first husband divorced me on adultery even though we were separated and living apart when I met someone else and he was living with someone else too who he met after we split. I couldn’t be arsed by that point, so just went along with it

I met now dh whilst I was separated from now ex dh and was going through divorce. I was divorcing now ex under unreasonable behaviour but to be honest I couldn’t have cared less at that point if he went for it under adultery. What difference does it make? Many years on now no one cares about past divorce papers and I don’t have to tell anyone about it at all. I know and now dh knows that I was single and separated when we met and that’s all that matters.

I guess no matter how long it's been I'm always going to be looked at in a bad light and I'll just have to come to terms with that and try to stop beating myself up about it

At the end of the day we both know that we have done nothing wrong and that's all that matters.

"Escaped goat" - sorry, but that really tickled me :-)

Be careful of any man who is recently out of a marriage or LTR - it usually doesn't end well for the woman. Even though its not intentional on their behalf you end up being the rebound.

I would agree that you should be wary especially if there are kids involved. you just don't know what dynamics that throws up.
I agree you should take things slowly. what's 6 months to him.
why is he so keen on it being "official" that in itself I would be wary of too. he was only a few weeks out of the relationship. has he really dealt with it?
I would be wary of anyone who wants to move on to a new LTR that quickly

How long have you been dating? I wouldn't tell family for a little while anyway. Or has it already been quite a while?