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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Struggling so much

8 replies

SadandHelpless · 31/08/2018 07:46

My bf split up with me on Tuesday because he has severe depression, says he has no feelings anymore.

10 days ago everything was perfect, we were even making plans for our retirement, only in our 40’s but that’s how serious we were. Now all of a sudden it’s gone.

I am struggling so much at the moment, constantly crying and trying to cope with daily life. One minute I had this loving, caring bf were everything was perfect and the next he is so heartless, saying he has no feelings and telling me to get out of his house. I know it’s the depression talking and that’s what’s making it so hard.

OP posts:
crappyday2018 · 31/08/2018 08:05

Is he getting help with it? Medication, counselling? I don't know much about depression but I understand it can do awful things to people's mental health. It does seem odd he has suddenly done this u-turn though. Have there not been any other signs?

Original poster
SadandHelpless · 31/08/2018 08:08

Yes meds and counselling. That is what depression does to you though, it’s like he has been taken over by an alien.

OP posts:
crappyday2018 · 31/08/2018 08:23

How long have you been together? I'm sorry you're going through this.
Its very sad he is feeling this way (for both of you). My advice would be to leave him alone for now. He clearly has some issues he has to get straight in his own head and needs to get better.
You also need to put yourself first too. This is no good for your emotional and mental health either.
I'm sure someone else will come along with more advice but stay strong and take 1 day at a time Flowers

HereIgoagainxx · 31/08/2018 08:36

That's tough, but I doubt the depression just appeared in a week or so. He may have been unhappy for a while in the relationship and hid it from you.

I know you don't want to hear that, but for now you have to try and accept the relationship IS over.

He needs to get help, you can't do that for him. He has to engage with the relevant services.

Maybe he will realise what he has lost, maybe he won't. Either way, look after yourself. I know it hurts. My ex has dysthymia, long-term depression. We had also talked about retirement!! People can say anything, don't put too much weight on talk so far in the future. X

NadiaLeon · 31/08/2018 08:53

Give time time.
He's ill.
If he had cancer, he may be saying the same. But you'd stick with him and wait until the cancer was in remission.
This is no different.

Original poster
SadandHelpless · 31/08/2018 09:37

We were together 6 months but I love him so much.

One thing that does concern me is that as soon as we split, he's on whatsapp all the time??

OP posts:
crappyday2018 · 31/08/2018 10:02

Sorry OP but I wonder if he's using the depression as a rather cowardly way of getting out of the relationship. You've not been together long at all.
Had you been together years I would have suggested letting him get help and offering support if he needs it.
In this case, I think I would just let him go and don't contact him.

HereIgoagainxx · 31/08/2018 10:09

Why are you monitoring his WhatsApp? I deleted my ex off mine. He is your ex :(

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