What is this - refusing to discuss my problems?

[Doekj]

I’ve puzzled over this for a while now, years even. It may even be my fault.

I don’t think I lean on my husband emotionally, plus he works away so I only see him once a week and am emotionally independent I think. However, if I do have some bad news (some might be ongoing e.g. illness) or stress in my life and discuss it with him then the following happens: He’s sympathetic the very first time and is happy to discuss, if I mention it again then he grows quiet and sullen then just doesn’t reply. I usually don’t broach the subject again after that but if I ever have then he’ll grow angry as a way of shutting me down I feel (if it has involved other people or situations he will at that point say I am to blame).

This also includes illness, and as such I haven’t mentioned test results received in November (they were fine) but I have minor health problems I can’t discuss.

Sorry for the waffle. I hope that makes sense, and if anyone can help me make sense of it I would be grateful.

am not* emotionally dependent that should have been

This is over 20+ year period

How does he cope if you are seriously unwell? Like confined to bed sick?

I’ve had a couple of serious incidents and my dh stepped up, looked after me and listens when i moan or have authentic concerns. I take it he shuts you down? Can he not cope with you being fragile/unwell? Does he expect you to look after him when he’s unwell?

Well, because he works away I’m possibly self sufficient from a practical point of view. I’ve never been ill enough to have needed him to come home to look after me and I haven’t looked after him either.

I think it is more the aspect of not being able to discuss or mention anything more than once ( from the very minor to more serious) more than once. In fact more lately I haven’t bothered to tell him some things at all.

I have in the past grown upset, confronted him and said that it’s actually quite rude behaviour. He said on those occasions that this is the reason he doesn’t discuss as he doesn’t want to encourage me as this is what happens I.e. me growing upset. Though my upset at that stage has been only with his reactions.

I listen to any of his complaints and problems I would add.

I think I’m wondering if the relationship has run its course now.