So unhappy in my marriage

[irene151]

Hi I'd love to get some options re my situation. My husband has lied to me time and time again mostly about money and him not paying his share of bills. He has taken money from my bag, used my credit and Visa cards and denied it until I rang fraud Dept and found out it was him. This have been ongoing since and we married and I'm sure before it but I didn't realize wat he was like. He has always been mean with money and this drives me crazy as it's a trait I hate in people. I just didn't Really realize this at the beginning of relationship. He borrows money and doesn't pay it back! To credit union, Family, providence etc. we have had constant arguments about this over d last few years. With 2 kids to look after this has caused so much stress. I recently found out he has courted/sold drugs for a few months to get money and while going through an old phone of his discovered a message showing he made an appointment with an escort. He says he didn't go tru with it but he has told me so much lies over the last few years I find it so hard to believe anything he tells me now. Sometimes I feel like I hate him. Feeling so down and unhappy with my life☹️

Why are you still with him?

This sounds horrible and from what you tell I cannot understand why you are still with him... but then I assume he has good qualities too or you would not be with him, would you?

He sounds dreadful. Please don't bring your kids up in the same house as a drug dealer x

I told him to move out in may as I needed space away from him and he did but he is constantly pleading with me to give him another chance and how much he loves me etc etc tells me how much he has changed and is now paying bk wat he owes anytime he comes to see kids he uses it as his chance to plead wit me and beg for another chance I told him I don't love him anymore and how he has acted has caused my feelings to change but he says if I give it time I'll start to love him again but I seriously doubt it. I just feel so guilt the the kids will be affected by all this and am considering giving it another go but I feel I'm just kidding myself when I have no respect for him and no trust.

Please keep your finances locked down and him out of them! Presumably he has no access to your account?

Holy jeez. This is the absolute worst! I had chills just reading it! This man is a compulsive liar and he is manipulating you. He is toxic! Booking escorts?! Surely that alone, whether he went through with it or not is a deal breaker!
RUN FOR THE HILLS. GO! Don't look back. Please. How awful, I'm so sorry OP.

He can b so convincing when he says he is sorry and has a way of making me feel sorry for him saying it's things that went on in his childhood that has made him afraid of telling the truth and that's why he has lied to much. He knows how to pull my heartstrings and it's totally weighing me down but feel like I can't give in and let him back. Does anyone have any words of wisdom to give me strength to stop me giving in and taking him back tanx in advance

Why let him back when you know it will be more of the same? Why would you accept this as the best life has to offer you? Be brave, go it alone and get the future you want. He's very bad news. You know this.

Sounds like he has a gambling problem and that he is on self destruct.

He told me a few weeks ago that he was gambling the money all this time! And now he expects me to support him through this and how I'm such a horrible person horrible wife for not supporting him when he has hit rock bottom. I have given him loads of opportunities to tell me the truth over the years. But he decided 2 weeks ago to tell me. We separated in may but is trying his hardest to get bk together but I think he is just using this to manipulate me into giving it another chance by saying I am his wife and should not turn my back on him when he has this disease!! His words! Don't know what way to feel He is making me feel like an uncaring horrible person which I know I am not. He has hurt me so much and find it impossible to get my feelings back for him.

Then don’t. Only discuss things relating to the children by text or email and get someone else to do any hangovers so you never have to see him

What a pathetic waste of space he is

Handovers!

DO NOT LET HIM BACK IN.

Of course he's doing the 'I've changed' sob story. Trust me, it is BULLSHIT.

Why would you want someone who deals drugs around your children? Someone who visits escorts (don't believe the 'I didn't go through with it' bollocks either).

Congratulations on booting him out in May. Please, please, please do NOT give it another go. Show your children what being a responsible parent with self-respect looks like.

I think he is just using this to manipulate me into giving it another chance by saying I am his wife and should not turn my back on him when he has this disease!!

This is EXACTLY what he is doing. Well done for recognising it.

Please do not fall for it! You can do this.

Thank you for that last reply. I've not given in so far and do not plan on it. But the sob stories about his hard childhood and now gambling are making me lose sight on why I essentially told him yo go. He is v childish and is throwing everything at me to get sympathy and cannot understand why I won't give it another chance even accusing me of having affair as he cannot accept it's his actions and behavior that has resulted in my feelings changing towards him!!

Good for you. Keep strong!

You have already wasted time and energy on a complete arsehole of a man, in the kindest possible way, wise up, put yourself and your kids first and stop putting this pathetic excuse for a man on your list of priorities, he spends YOUR money on prostitutes and gambling and god knows what else, he doesn't care about you or the kids, get rid pronto or expect more of the same.

Next time he starts on one of his sob stories, just say "I'm not interested, tell it to a counsellor" and hang up.

Stop the visitation at your house. Drop the DC off with his parents or something.

Only communicate with him when it's ESSENTIAL info about the DC.

What to do about getting texts every day//evening declaiming his love for me and XX love u at end of every text. It's driving me crazy. I just text back goodnite and that's it as I feel bad if I don't reply I have told him not to do this loads of times as I can't say it bk to him but he does regardless! Why can't he respect my wishes!!!!

Declaring I meant!!

You feel guilty for not replying?
Stop the guilt right nowm
Your replies are giving him the message that if he pushes hard enough you will give in.
He won't give up. He needs his safety net (you) back.
Ignore and don't reply - you'd be doing him a favour. This loser needs to move on.

He is awful, and is being a manipulative childish twat.
Don't reply to texts.
Even better get a new SIM on PAYG. Tell him it is your new number. Only contact him for things regarding the children. Block him from your current phone.
Don't let him in when he comes to the houe and don't allow any conversation that is not about the children.
Make sure that he has no access to your accounts. Ask for new cards in case he has got the numbers.Some banks will even change the account numbers if you explain that your financially abusive EX has already misued your bank/credit cards

Thanks to those who replied. I really appreciate u taking the time to do so. Sometimes i just need a bit support to continue on this long difficult journey. It's so hard sometimes especially when ex trying his best to manipulate me into changing my mind.

He loves himself your just his cash cow to pay for his escorts and gambling no idea why you can’t see you’re being used. What a shit way to live.