Too many red flags?

[Blueskiesatdawn]

Too many red flags?

I feel very confused and don't know where my head's at. I'm just going to lay this out here.

I broke up from an 8 year relationship last year. I adored my partner and on almost every level he treated me very well. But he was very attached to his mother who didn't want him to marry me and ultimately it drove us apart. He was like my best friend and after we split up we still remained very emotionally involved with each other.

Earlier this year I worked with someone briefly. We got along really well and I thought we shared similar values and he made me laugh a lot. I felt excited for the first time in a long time. He asked me out and after an initial hesistation on my part I said yes. He is very different to men I normally go for, a bit more of a lad. He seemed to really like me when we met up but we didn't see each other that often maybe once a week to every ten days and not much messaging inbetween. Yet when we did meet up he was quite intense and after a two months when I didn't know where it was going and about to break it off, he said he wanted to be bf/gf. I've hesitated loads over this and said I didn't want to see anyone else but it was too soon to jump into another relationship for me. Although he said he understands he brought it up a lot and was upset each time I said I needed to spend more time with him to know.

We only spent our first full day together a few weeks ago. And then this week he told
Me loved me but then said he was losing interest in me because I wasn't interested as much in him.

He also promised to take me to the coach station as I was going away for a work. We were getting there by public transport. But as I was leaving he said he was going to watch the football instead with his mate. When I said I didn't like people backing out on plans last minute he said he would come if I really wanted him to but I couldn't be bothered at that point.

I spoke to him yesterday about how upset I was and his response was it's not a big deal and I should get over it and sometimes plans would come up and he would choose them over me. I was livid and ended things with him and he said I was deluded for expecting this level of commitment that he should take me to the station when I couldn't even commit to a relationship.

I think it's well and truly over now as we've both said things but I feel quite sad about it.
Did I do the right thing?

Yes, I think you did the right thing.

Really? I know feel so unsure. All of this was via text. I want to call him but I don't know if I should. If that's the right thing and I should leave it for my own self respect? Or even whether he will talk to me.

He broke a promise so that he could watch the football, and made it your fault because you felt ready to commit to a relationship. This sort of thing gets worse not better.

Also, "I love you but... " is never a good line. And threatening to withdraw love and affection is a way of making you walk on eggshells.

I've just finished a truly dreadful relationship, and I wish I had been as clever about early red flags as you are being now.

You did the right thing, please don’t call him.

Just ended on Sunday the relationship of 9 months which started the same way. It will escalate to guilt tripping, and emotional imbalance. Not worth your time.

You can do better 💐 Please Do Not Contact.

I agree with him to be honest.

You're not "wrong" but I don't think he did anything wrong either. If he were on here we would he telling him "She's not that into you" and to end it. You wanted to end it because it wasn't moving on, but you also rejected progressing the relationship. It doesn't sound right for either of you and you have different expectations in a relationship which would probably have reared their head repeatedly

Unfortunately I called him and then he called me and we had a very long conversation. Eventually he apologised and we agreed to try again but I feel so anxious about it all. This is the 4th time in three months I've broken it up if I say anything now and I feel annoyed with myself.

When we get back together I feel like I need to be alone and it's fundamentally not right but then when we're apart I doubt myself and think I sabotaged it by not ever giving it a chance. And now I just feel so anxious because I don't know what I want and I feel like I am messing him around but it also worries me that I feel so anxious becaue I feel I cant honestly talk to him about my feelings without him getting so upset

Your anxiety is telling you it's nots right.
End it and block him.

Three months in and you are trying to work out how to talk about your feelings without upsetting him?

Red flags flapping all around and you know it.

yes too many red flags.

I feel annoyed with myself. I should have left it and now I feel like he will be so cross and angry. I also work in a freelance industry with him and am panicked that this could affect me or I'll have to see him again

Blueskies, feel annoyed with yourself for 5 minutes if you want to then just put it down. What's the point? You are where you are.

Just text him that you made a mistake, wish him well and block. That's it. Might seem scary and like you're not allowed to upset him but you need to protect and advocate for yourself.

The work problems haven't occurred and may never occur, they are just imaginings.

What has occured is anxiety when you should be full of excitement and happiness, that's real.

Deal with what is real and damaging and make it stop.