Who carries the mental load

[Rosetintedglass]

Just that. Conversation today with Dh about some school bits for dd which I have thought about worked out and addressed. Just made me wonder is this typical in relationships that one parter always does all the working out of things while the other comments and mumbles before turning back to watch worlds most dangerous animals/ ice road truckers or some other inane documentary without giving the issue any further thought ??

Not so long ago (3-4 years out of an 18 year relationship) I would have happily said that my exh and I do exactly the same in terms of running the household (we have the same jobs so exact same hours etc).
Then I became aware that ther was such a thing as Mental Load and Emotional Labour. And it became glaringly apparent that exh did virtually none of it, happy to be “given a list” and managed like a child.😳
Despite discussing it and him making half hearted efforts, I knew it wouldn’t change (this is also as we have worked together for a long time so I know what he is capable of) and cut my loses.
To the poster who commented on it being easier without, I totally agree. I don’t feel resentment now doing jobs in my house while ‘d’h sits back waiting to be told what to do. Happiest I’ve been in years.
I’ve wondered about what my old age and retirement may look like, but from my perspective it would have been worse to stay together like we were than be single.👍

We both work full time hours (he’s in a startup, im in the City). I do pretty much everything- all travel/holiday planning and logistics, all admin for dd, all home admin, cleaning, laundry, all admin for pet cat (he’s never even done the litter tray since we got her a year ago), party planning (including wedding), stuff for him that he “doesn’t have time for”- dry cleaning dropped in, spare keys cut, packing for work trips. I’m getting so tired of it. Getting sick a lot recently, could sleep forever, can’t relax even when I do get a moment. It puts one of you constantly on alert and on the treadmill. Like pps’ partners he says he just isnt good at it. Pretty much only tasks I can reliably delegate are building flat pack. It’s a struggle and I feel like his manager. It definitely breeds resentment.