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Original poster

Man I am dating is making no effort on my birthday

17 replies

ukgift2016 · 30/08/2018 20:38

Just wanted a bit of advice as I am taking this as the final straw and I am very tempted to end things.

I have been dating this guy for 3 and a half months, we are exclusive but not had the official chat so I do not feel comfortable calling him my boyfriend yet.

It is my birthday on the weekend, he knows I am free on the evening but has made no suggestions for us to do anything together, for example like take me out for dinner or anything. He gave me my present this week so he obviously does not plan to see me on my actual birthday.

I know it is still early days but I feel this says a lot about how he is feeling about me. Honestly, I have not developed any strong feelings for him at this stage either though I feel we do click our relationship does not seem to be progressing. I think about my ex and at this point I was lot more secure in our feelings towards each other.

I am a bit upset about this and am tempted to end it.

I always found him a bit cheap, he never taken me out for dinner and he never paid for lunch or a drink. I am a big girl, I can pay for myself but sometimes its nice to be treated and he has never done this.

Am I overreacting here?

OP posts:
BlessedImelda · 30/08/2018 20:40

Gosh no, he sounds stingy and uncommitted. You can do better. And have a lovely birthday doing something else.

TheFifthKey · 30/08/2018 20:43

That’s basically the perfect point in a relationship for something like a birthday to happen which shows if someone is prepared to make an effort or not. At 3.5 months I’d definitely expect dinner out at some point (if not on the actual day), and it should be somewhere ‘nice’ (which doesn’t mean expensive, just a nice date place). I think this is clarifying things for you and you’re not overreacting.

melissa35 · 30/08/2018 20:43

Yeah he sounds like a bit of a let down.

3 months is early doors, but at the same time he still should be trying to set his stall out. Make you feel wanted.

Cut your losses.

Promiseme · 30/08/2018 20:45

What present did he get you?

ChippyPickledEggs · 30/08/2018 20:46

I'd want to see some sort of effort - even if it was just a picnic with some cake and a bottle of wine. Something to show he cared about me having a nice day.

HollowTalk · 30/08/2018 20:47

I would end it, but I would end it, but I'd give him the present back. After three months you know how you feel about someone and you clearly don't feel strongly enough about this man.

Clairetree1 · 30/08/2018 20:52

Birthdays are a huge irrelevance to many adults. maybe he just doesn't care. If he doesn't care about birthdays and you do,, just get used to it, get upset every year, or leave now.

Original poster
ukgift2016 · 30/08/2018 21:01

The present was a game, which I did want but not romantic and no flowers or chocolate with it. Not much thought.

I wonder if he is just being cheap, he knows if he sees me on my BD he have pay for dinner so he is avoiding it. lol.

I have also met no one from his side, family or friends which is another sticky point for me. I could let it carry on for few more months I suppose but I am not happy or feeling secure.

I dont know wherever I should talk to him first or just end it, eurrgh.

OP posts:
RatRolyPoly · 30/08/2018 21:04

To be honest if I'd only been seeing someone for 3.5 months I would automatically assume they would be spending their birthday with people they'd known a darn sight longer than me. I might even consider it a red flag if they weren't...

But this is why we're all different in the dating world, and if he ain't for you it won't work. Have you asked him about this at all?

butterfly56 · 30/08/2018 21:05

No, no overreaction OP!
It's just that you have spotted a number of things about him that could probably give you a good indication about how he is likely to treat you in the future.
You are right to end it because he's not really on your wavelength so to speak.

Justmuddlingalong · 30/08/2018 21:05

End it now or you'll feel sad on your birthday. And no one should feel sad on their birthday. 💐🍫 Do something nice and have a lovely day.

5BlueHydrangea · 30/08/2018 21:09

Maybe you should wait until after your birthday just in case he surprises you...
Or, make other plans with friends for the day and if he objects say you assumed he was busy.
Sounds like

5BlueHydrangea · 30/08/2018 21:11

Oops..
Sounds like you're not happy regardless of what he feels so if you want out then do it. I think I would. Doesn't sound very warm or caring and most people want that.

WingsofNylon · 30/08/2018 21:16

There seem to be other things that are putting you off. As an isolated thing I wouldn't necessarily think it bad so long as he had shown some interest in your birthday by, for example asking what your plans were. I too think I would feel a bit disappointed in your position. It seems like neither of you dislike each other but there isn't a big connection either. I'd call it quits and offer to give the game back.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 30/08/2018 21:21

I think generosity is important in a partner- being treated occasionally (and vice versa) is important. Someone painfully “fair”, splitting the bill, being practical with presents is off putting!

WhatsGoingOnEh · 30/08/2018 21:24

It's a bad sign. He should be wanting to make you happy!

Don't have a chat about it - he knows about birthdays. Besides you Tony want someone who only makes an effort when you tell them to.

Get a load of friends together on your birthday and have a lovely night. I'd let this bloke slide. Just do the slow fade.

stressedoutpa · 30/08/2018 21:27

If he was genuinely into you he'd be making plans to celebrate your Birthday even if he was expecting you to do something on the actual day with friends/family.

He is telling you who he is. Listen!

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