How do you work at a relationship?

[AliceGoot]

When people post on here about relationships having problems, losing love/affection for their DP they are routinely advised to:

• have counselling

-work on their relationship

• communicate/connect

What does this actually mean in practice?

When I tell my OH how I feel and he will give a list of reasons why I feel that way
If I feel isolated/alone/unloved I explain that, he says sorry and the next time I'm feeling like that he still doesn't notice and I still have to spell it out and ask for comfort/a hug.

I really don't see what I'm supposed to do to feel loved and in love. I can elicit an improved response by giving feedback, but it feels like I'm training a dog, not being part of a loving marriage.
When we communicate about our problems with the relationship/how we feel it feels like we become 'actors' for a while after, giving each other knowing looks as we remember to do something better that we discussed. It just feels like an act - I don't feel any better about him or the relationship.

@MMmomDD I wass diagnosed with moderate depression. I'm still taking a low level of medication 4 years later. I had a husband issue and a mental health issue. Enjoy the rest of your evening.

Also want to add I also have depression and been in some very low places. I was advised by my therapist to “work” at my marriage. It seems to be the done thing! Just because I have depression doesn’t mean I can’t see the wood from the trees.

OP I hear you. When you said in your original post that you tell him how you feel and he responds that way it rang bells.

My ex used to say it was my problem, or my interpretation when I told him I felt constantly belittled by how he treated me. Never his issue.

I say that because it's clear you're not happy, he's the cause of it and it can be fixed. You just need to get your ducks in a row and get rid of this joy sucker from your life.

Op, I agree.

I posted on here yesterday similar to your situation and now I'm made to feel bad about feeling like I do, like I should just plod along with it