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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

oh god. I have completely lost it with exP and OW

16 replies

GeorgiePirate · 30/08/2018 18:07

I have NEVER felt rage like this. 7 weeks on from discovering his 10 month affair. Today I completely cracked and sent a terrible message to OW thanking her for taking a horrendous sbag off my hands. She then phoned to give me parenting advice (exP and I have a toddler) and I told her to f off. I was doing so well, no contact. She threatened me with a harassment charge. Is this even possible after one text and her calling me? Help!!

OP posts:
Pyongyang · 30/08/2018 18:09

Don't contact her anymore, and just get on with your life. I know it's hard, but trust me a year from now you will feel different.

subspace · 30/08/2018 18:09

Take a screenshot of the call log and message(s).

Delete and block her number.

Pyongyang · 30/08/2018 18:14

Yes take screenshots and save everything but don't reply or contact her. The more you ignore her, the better you'll look. Also it will drive her insane knowing you're ignoring her.

MellowMelly · 30/08/2018 18:14

Surely that isn’t possible after one message from you and a phonecall from her?!

Anyway I don’t think, from what you’ve said, that it quantifies harassment charges being brought against you.

I think you’ve done well not to blow your top earlier than this or to of really let rip! I’d just refrain from any further uncivil correspondence but I’m sure you know that Grin

RabbitsAreTasty · 30/08/2018 18:16

I assume he lives with her not you now?

Delete and block on all media. Next time write a letter then burn it.

Of course she can't get a harrassment order after a single unsolicited text message.

Feel mortified for a little while then pick yourself up and take it as a learning experience on the subject of never wrestling a pig.

RainySeptember · 30/08/2018 18:16

You won't get a harassment charge after one message so don't worry about that.

Don't contact her again, preserve your dignity.

If I was her I'd have ignored it. In the circumstances, if it's the worst she gets from you, she's doing well.

IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 30/08/2018 18:19

She actually tried to give you parenting advice??

cheesemongery · 30/08/2018 18:22

She's a twat of the highest order and she hit you where it hurt the most - not the threat of harassment but the parenting advice. WTF does SHE know about YOUR child after 10 months with your ex - fuck all of the truth I guarantee.

She cannot get you charged with harassment.

Head high, chin up, carry on and block her from any form of contact and you contacting her. Concentrate on yourself and your little one.

I'm sorry you're having to go through this.

expatinspain · 30/08/2018 18:23

No, it's not possible. Even after a substantial amount of harassment and threats the police
generally only give a warning. You aren't even in that ballpark. She's a cheeky cow and is trying to goad you. How dare she. Don't have any contact. As much as you might want to smack her in the face and your ex too, time to take the high road.

Original poster
GeorgiePirate · 30/08/2018 18:24

Thanks. I'm actually very quiet. I feel mortified as that I've given them more to bond over. He lives in another town and hid me ( obviously) and our child from her. She has now agreed with him that ' I have a mental health problem'. I'm struggling to come to terms with the deception and she then started to tell me how to manage my communication better and 'not be so emotional'. I'm so angry at myself for allowing a situation to arise in which she can condescend to me. Grrrr.

OP posts:
IfIWasABirdIdFlyIn2ACeilingFan · 30/08/2018 18:29

she then started to tell me how to manage my communication better and 'not be so emotional'.

She’s eithe incredibly thick or she’s a nasty piece of work! Let someone see how emotional she would be after finding out her partner was cheating and leaving her for the OW!! What an asshole she is.

StarlightSparkle · 30/08/2018 18:30

Can’t believe she had the gall to offer you parenting advice! What a total cow. It’s hard to resist the temptation to send abusive messages when someone has helped to turn your life upside down (I’ve been there and sent a couple to the OW too) but agree with PPs that blocking and ignoring is the best course of action. She won’t do anything, just an empty threat and if she did I think she’d get laughed out of the police station considering it’s one text message.

RainySeptember · 30/08/2018 18:31

I like the phrase regularly trotted out on mn - the best revenge is a life well lived.

How satisfying it will be to build a lovely life for you and your dc while her life with her shitbag descends predictably into shit.

RabbitsAreTasty · 30/08/2018 18:32

Ha! He has been following the script telling her about how you are a crazy person, you haven't had sex in years except for that one time you got pregnant when you were both very drunk, he couldn't leave you because you'd definitely kill yourself etc etc. She has fallen for it. Oh god, that's going to come back to bite her when she's the crazy ex in a year or two.

Original poster
GeorgiePirate · 30/08/2018 18:46

Thanks everyone. I hate feeling like this but his affair has just devastated me. I really need to get hold of myself and stop giving in to my fury.

OP posts:
mooncuplanding · 30/08/2018 18:51

I kinda like your anger! Fuck her

Who cares what she thinks.

Do something nice for yourself tonight and try and have a little chuckle that they’ll be talking about nothing else but you tonight

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