Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Query over bloke I have met

27 replies

AlwaysSunshine81 · 30/08/2018 16:43

Hi so have known this bloke for about a year. We don’t see each other with kids it’s always just us.
Recently he has had a couple of gos at me over silly things which has got me thinking.
Also during sex he is a bit rough (never used to be like this) I don’t mind my hair being pulled a little bit but the other night he pulled it really hard and wouldn’t let go, he has also put his hand around my throat and over my nose.
He told me he got angry at work and punched something.
A couple of times he’s asked me things but goes a bit weird and serious and I feel a bit scared. I’m not sure if I’m over analysising or not

OP posts:
Aprilshowersinaugust · 30/08/2018 16:44

You really need to walk away op.
Doesn't sound like you are physically safe around him tbh.
And I don't just mean the sex scenario.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 30/08/2018 16:44

I'd be walking away from this one if I were you. Pronto like.

SpongeBobJudgeyPants · 30/08/2018 16:44

You're not over analysing. Putting his hands round your throat is very worrying indeed, without even getting into the other stuff. Run away. Fast.

Clairetree1 · 30/08/2018 16:46

he has pulled your hair hard and wouldn't let go

he has held his hand around your throat and over your nose

on other occasions you have felt "scared"

end it now.

hellsbellsmelons · 30/08/2018 16:48

Run - don't walk!
This man is a walking, talking, abuser.
The signs are all there.
Continue at your peril!!!!
Know your worth.
Trust your gut!

THE HILLS ARE THAT WAY >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Whatsthisbear · 30/08/2018 16:48

Shock get away as fast as you can

Bananalanacake · 30/08/2018 16:49

If you don't live with him it's easier to stop seeing him.

Original poster
AlwaysSunshine81 · 30/08/2018 16:50

Thanks ladies. I don’t mind a bit of rough sex, it used to be a gentle hand around throat and a gentle tug of the hair but the other night he was really rough.

OP posts:
Original poster
AlwaysSunshine81 · 30/08/2018 16:50

No I don’t live with him

OP posts:
NotTheFordType · 30/08/2018 16:51

he pulled it really hard and wouldn’t let go

I'm assuming at the time you said "ow, you're hurting me" or the like and he took no notice. did you ask him about it after? Was that when he admitted he had been angry at work?

Did he apologise for hurting you? Did he say he would take any action to address his anger issues and his unforgivable attempt to take them out on you?

Because if he wasn't on his knees begging for forgiveness, that tells you all you need to know. He hurt you, and he doesn't give a shit.

Original poster
AlwaysSunshine81 · 30/08/2018 16:57

I don’t think he realised how much it hurt.... I did say ow and tried to get his hand off. Trouble is we both drink together and it’s been more and more that he turns like that. He used to be so soft and gentle

OP posts:
category12 · 30/08/2018 17:00

Well, you've been getting to know him over this last year and here's a lot of things you don't like.

Bin him off.

Rebecca36 · 30/08/2018 17:14

Get out of that relationship quickly please. You do not know what he is going to do next and it isn't safe.

Plenty of other fish in the sea but take your time.

Please do finish it pronto though, come back and tell us what happened.

Whatsthisbear · 30/08/2018 17:44

it’s been more and more that he turns like that. He used to be so soft and gentle

Because he was on best behaviour in the initial stages of a relationship. He is now comfortable enough to show his true colours.

Constantlyworried1 · 30/08/2018 19:06

Don't know if you have children of your own and haven't yet introduced them to him but really think about it do you really want someone like that around your kiddies . Get out now Hun ! might only be in the bedroom but you BOTH need to be into that sort of thing but who knows how much further he would go . Good luck

Bluntness100 · 30/08/2018 19:09

Yup. Get out of this now.

Don't look back. Your future self will thank you.

Autumnfairy82 · 30/08/2018 19:21

Run away. Don’t look back.

celticmissey · 30/08/2018 19:26

yes I agree run for the hills but if you decide in a minute of madness to continue it for some reason then at least request a Claire's law disclosure from the police. details are normally on their websites.

HisBetterHalf · 30/08/2018 19:35

major ref flag alert- walk as quick as you can

cantstandmenow · 30/08/2018 19:47

Leg it. Yesterday.

Cornish4 · 30/08/2018 19:56

If it doesn't feel right it's not right, sounds like he's been watching too much porn.

nibblingandbiting · 30/08/2018 20:07

Walk away. I enjoy rough sex, much more than what you have described. However, when I say the word or signal that's it. Game over. My partner stops and checks that I am ok. It rarely happens as he knows my limits.
He's a boundary pusher at bes,t and an abuser at worse. But either way, he's not a good guy. He should respect your boundaries and he should have stopped instantly. Dump him.

DoryNow · 30/08/2018 20:12

A whole bunting of Red Flags OP & I think you know this deep down, listen to your instincts, they are there for a reason.

You deserve better and you will find another nicer man who is worth your time & attention.

Good Luck x

SwordToFlamethrower · 30/08/2018 23:58

Rough sex is consensual. He should know your boundaries and never cross them. He's done so and you feel scared of him. He doesn't respect you. He's using you for his own gratification.

RUN

Thinkingofausername1 · 31/08/2018 22:21

Are you ok op? I would say run for the hills!