Dd feels she may be bisexual

[Mcmac]

My 14 DD has come saying she thinks she's bisexual as she had a crush on a close friend who's moved away.

I've explained having a crush on anyone is a normal experience for a teenager and being she's an only child and they both had similar likes and dislikes it could have been a deep sisterly kind of love which she said she hadn't thought about.
I've said she doesn't have to think she's one thing or another just yet, it's hard enough getting through school with all that entails especially as she's dyslexic and just put the relationship stuff to one side and see how things go, and if she feels like talking about her feelings for people to come to me. The only thing I have been clear to her on though is if she does develop feelings for another girl make sure those feelings are returned otherwise things could be distressing for both of them.

She said I was amazingly supportive but could I do anymore she doesn't care if I talk to her DH about her feelings and she's not bothered what her small group of friends think even though someone has already started gossiping.
I have told her that all her dad and I want for her is to be happy and living and loving life whatever she does.

Oh bless her. I was a bit like that at her age. I focussed on men, but latterly have started to fancy women. I think you did the best thing by showing support for her. She sounds quite mature to be able to talk to you and her friends about her feelings

it could have been a deep sisterly kind of love which she said she hadn't thought about.

This bit stood out to me. Would you have said that if she had a crush on a boy? It sounds a bit dismissive of her feelings.

I'm glad your DD felt supported, which is the best outcome.

It did sound a bit like her being bisexual is something you'd rather wasn't the case though - mentioning that the love might have been sisterly and telling her not to define herself, etc. You also seemed a bit doomy about same sex attraction - "warning" her about making sure her feelings are returned. If she had said she had a crush on a boy, would you have said "well, maybe you liked him more as a brother. Don't be in a hurry to label yourself as straight just yet - concentrate on your schoolwork. And if this ever happens again, for God's sake, don't let him know unless you're 100% sure he likes you too - never take a risk on someone".

Do you have a question, OP?

My dd came out as bisexual at 14, she's nearly 18 now and has had 1 relationship with a girl and 2 with boys. I think the key thing about growing up now - speaking for london now as maybe different elsewhere - is that attitudes to sexuality and gender are completely different way to 20 years ago. I think getting an understanding of this could ease your worries and help with reassuring your daughter. If she continues to identify as bisexual as she gets older, she'll probably find herself in the majority group!

It does sound like you may have been unintentionally dismissive and possibly disappointed/disapproving of her feelings.

You say if she does develop feelings for another girl make sure those feelings are returned otherwise things could be distressing for both of them

Why does that only apply to another girl? Surely that should say

if she does develop feelings for another person make sure those feelings are returned otherwise things could be distressing for both of them.

That’s all, she sounds loved and supported, make sure she doesn’t feel judged & she’ll find her own way. Thankfully the world is a more accepting place these days & it’s lovely she feels she can talk to you.

My daughter chose a day to come out. I think she was expecting us to be shocked or something, but all the extended family and friends took it in their stride and there was no drama. That was a few years ago but she has only dated boys since. Considering what a bunch of nobs they've been I sometimes wish she'd dated girls.

Anyway, I believe that just accepting her and knowing that she'll still be supported no matter what is all that matters xx

I'm wondering if your response would not have been more relevant to your own generation than it is to your dd's. This whole idea that you have to make extra sure about lesbian attraction because it might be distressing to the other person - is that really how modern teens think? Not from what my dd tells me. If the other girl is not interested she can say so - and your dd will have to be gracious about it - but I hardly think she's likely to have a fit of the vapours over the fact that someone of the same sex fancies her.