Scared he never loved me?

[Craker20]

I recently went through a bad break-up. My partner started seeing someone else, I found out and he left for her. We were together for 8 years. I am currently trying to process a lot of my thoughts about the relationship, red flags I might have missed etc.

Today I am sitting here looking back at photos and I am stuck at the same thought 'What if he never loved me and just couldn't be bothered to leave?'

Is this a normal thought after something like this? Have I really lived with an oscar worthy actor for 8 years?

I feel terrified that I have just lived a lie and didn't see anything in front of me. As far as I was aware I was in a loving relationship with the normal small ups and downs of life.

I know that no-one on here can know as you don't know either of us but is it normal to question everything?

Of course it is.
You question every little thing you can think of.
You will drive yourself crazy trying to figure things out.
Guess what!????
There is NO answer to this.
He had his head turned. He cheated.
To justify his behaviour he started re-writing history.
Don't listen to his bullshit.
Have a look at 'the script'. It will all start to make sense!

Hi there, yes it's normal to question things in the aftermath. You weren't living a lie, he was. There's a big difference. You were honest and open and expected the same in return. That he couldn't do that is wholly his shame.

I'm in a similar boat. We need to focus on ourselves now.

It's going to take to take time for me to get back to who I am after my split, but I'm determined. Xx

I just want to know how long he was living a lie for even before meeting the ow.

I can't believe all of it was but starting to question all of it, every photo where he looks slightly moody. I feel like I'm an idiot.

Why you an idiot? You aren't a mind-reader.

My ex could not say he loved me. I put it down to his childhood as his sister is very similar, very emotionally closed. We split because he admitted, when pushed by me, that he wasn't happy. I pushed because he'd been moody for months. He admitted he had been unhappy for well over a year!! I couldn't believe it. I was so angry someone would waste my life. He said he didn't want to hurt me so kept quiet. Ridiculous.

You are torturing yourself. You are never going to find out the moment his feelings changed so looking at photos is futile.

Just because this man doesn't want to be with you doesn't mean all men will feel the same.

Have a good cry, get it all out, then pack the photos away. That chapter has closed but there will be many others.

It hurts, god I know, but this doesn't have to be permanent. We pick ourselves up, dust ourselves off and have faith that we will be happy again. Xx

Thanks for the advice. x

He did say he loved me, he was very affectionate, the only flag I worry about is he was the type to hold things in and not talk. I think it's called conflict avoidance.

I'm not sure I will trust anyone after this relationship. I find it a very scary feeling to live with someone that can hide like that.

How do I stop these endless worries? I've packed stuff away, I've joined some groups and trying to go out and forget but all day these questions go round and round. I think I'm going to crack up soon.

The way I see it, I can't tar every man with the same brush. Knowing that, of course I will trust again.

You are sending yourself crazy. What difference will it make if you knew the month his feelings changed? It won't affect the outcome.

Do you think you are obsessing because it's easier than facing the reality the future you hoped for is no more?

Maybe, I don't know what it is. Trying to analyse it so I don't make the same mistakes as I feel there must have been some signs that I didn't see.

It's not even men, I'm scared of any rejection now and even starting to question what coworkers and friends tell me.

I feel like I'm an idiot
HE'S an idiot not you.
You are just doing all the normal things for this situation.
We analyse, we overthink, we lay awake night after night wondering, what if? Why didn't I spot this? or that? etc.....
You will keep doing it for a while yet.
And we can all tell you it will make no difference but you will still do it.
It's just in our nature.

You are doing all the right though.
Keeping busy, joining groups etc...
Just keep at it.
It will take time for this settle.
I was probably not back to myself for a year after I split with the ExH!
Time, love and support.
That is what will get you through this.