Last night. (Possible TW).

[Kukumbr]

Dh and I haven’t had sex a lot recently. Yesterday morning dh and I planned to do it last night. Last night came around and I said ‘I don’t want to do this, I am really not in the mood’. Dh continued to initiate sex and said ‘I’ll get you in the mood, come on, it’s been ages’ and things like that. As he was touching me, I realised it hurt but I was trying to continue to get it over with. All of a sudden I asked him to stop, and he did, but then I burst into tears and hyperventilated, a full blown panic attack. I don’t really know why. Dh asked what was up, if he’d hurt me etc. Once I’d calmed down, he just said night and went straight asleep. Today I feel awful and violated. I know I let him do it but i still feel awful.

Op he doesn’t get to choose whether it worried or concerned you or not that is your right

*I don't think there is any 'implying' about this.
OP is clearly telling us this man is a rapist who regularly sexually assaults her.

OP, please will you contact Rape Crisis!?
You know none of this OK.
That's why you posted.
And that's why you haven't put everything here!

This man in an abuser.
Contact Womens Aid as well - 0808 2000 247
They can help you with an exit plan.
You need to get away from this 'man' - FAST!!!
*

I think you’ve replied to the wrong post.
Either that or your trying to cause trouble.

I spoke to him about it just now. He asked what that was about last night, ie the crying. I told him I’d asked to stop and told him I didn’t want to and he said oh, ok that is fine. I said he worried me and he said, ‘no I didn’t.’ He said ‘was that all?’ And I said it was and that has been it.
He doesn't get to tell you that he didn't worry you.

A decent bloke would be mortified and wholly apologetic that he'd misjudged the situation.

The exchange is like you are his employee or most appropriate his subordinate which I think shows the dynamic of your relationship

Nope - not the wrong thread at all.
This is all very worrying.
Trying to have sex with someone when they are asleep without their consent.
Coercive abuse here at it's best from what I've read.
She said she didn't want to and he continued anyway!
No idea what you are reading.
And now he's gaslighting her and he said, ‘no I didn’t.’ He said ‘was that all?’

I said he worried me and he said, ‘no I didn’t

If this is typical of him, I can understand your being worried. He's minimising your feelings and gaslighting you.

Why don't you want to talk to your DM? Is it because it's about sex or because you're worried that if someone who cares about you knows, it will be difficult to pretend everything is fine?

The exchange is like you are his employee or most appropriate his subordinate which I think shows the dynamic of your relationship

This is definitely right

And in reply to that last Q, I can’t talk to my mum about sex stuff, it’s too awkward!

Just thought I’d mention too that my op went very well today

Glad your op went well OP. You have a good rest and take care of yourself.

You can though about the dynamic and the fact you are not happy with it

Are you haopy

If he’s a rapist then she should be contacting the police, surely?

If he raped you - then you need to be calling the police OP. Is that what your asking?

I agree with skittles and others who state that whilst there are deep issues, including communication issues, this was not rape. It would cause untold harm to everyone if you went down that road. I also don’t understand that post advising you to get away from him FAST

Some people just like to cause trouble and put things in people’s heads who are already not in a good place.

I’ve spoken to dh about it properly and he has profusely apologised for misunderstanding and applying pressure when he didn’t realise I was really not up for it. He’s been looking after my every need this weekend since I had my op since I’ve been in a lot of pain. Think it’s best left now and I don’t believe it’ll happen again

Glad you had a big chat about it and feel better. I know that reaction and in my case it was not related to the here and now but to a previous experience.... give yourself a fright at the raw fear don't you? Anyway glad op went well and all in a better place today. Keep recovering. X