Hi all,
In need of some advice. DP and I have been together 18 months. I have one child, and he has two. Boys get on but the two older ones 7 and 8 often have power struggles due to who is going to be top dog. DP stays with me and my ds, several nights a week. And with his mum other nights.
Last Monday I caught him out in a lie. We were sat in the bedroom and DPs ex wife called, he dropped the call and refused to call her back. Saying later, later. Very odd because he's a good dad. And loves speaking to his children. I pushed and he eventually called her back, turns out that ex had given him a key to (their jointly owned) her house and asked him to feed the cat while away. He 'forgot' to mention this to me. Which may seem like a small issue but honesty is important to me, and there has been many issues with ex wife trying to split us up, refusing to engage in the divorce, and causing issues with the children telling them that I am not to be spoken to or listened too. Wasn't the Ow although knew him when they were ending their marriage because she hit him.
We spoke about this incident and I asked him is there anything else he needs to tell me. He said no. Life continued as normal. Well on Monday, she called again. I assumed to let the children speak to their dad and let him know they made it home safely. DP dropped the call saying, it's his mum. I had already seen the picture flash up on the phone, and knew it was her. He made an excuse about calling his mum back later and I pressed the issue because we had spent afternoon with his mum and wondered if thee was a problem as she's recently broken her foot.
So he calls his mum back and his mum sweats blue she didn't call him. He insists she had, and she eventually says maybe it's a pocket dial.
DP leaves shortly after to travel to see his brother. I leave it all evening, not saying I know it was ex who called and eventually confront him the next morning to which he starts to try to say it was his mum until I tell him that I saw the picture on his phone. He eventually comes clean but tells me the reason he lied is because she asked him to feed the. Cat and he was worried I'd be upset as its not appropriate him doing so.
This has been the strinf of a lot. I don't believe he wants her back but I think mentally he is still there. She says jump and he says how high. He's scared she'll take the boys away from him but won't sort a real arrangement out for contact incase it upsets her. Today he was meant to see the boys and she was being awkward and I told him to find out and stop fannying round her I wanted to know if we could go out for the afternoon or not. And he said he didn't want to upset her today because it would have been there wedding anniversary.
AIBU to want some space to sort my head out over this. Honesty is the most important thing to me and he knows this. Yet he lied about something so simple and stupid (apparently) that I'm questioning the bigger things.
We have spoken about moving in buy my senses are telling me hold out incase this gets worse. I feel like there is three people in my relationship. And when I talk to him he gets defensive, it becomes a mud slinging point scoring mess and nothinh changes.
He bends over backwards to help her, but seems to treat me like shit.
Advice please?
I