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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Why has he gone off me

12 replies

Youngbutnotsto0pid · 29/08/2018 18:53

I recently got very chatty with a guy from work, he doesn't work in the same department as me but would always make the effort to come and speak to me. I was instantly attracted to him and when he messaged me on Facebook I was so happy. He's 26 and I'm 24 he'd only become single about 2 months before this after a messy break up with his ex fiance. We went out a few times together and there was an amazing spark, we had kissed but nothing else and he told me he liked me but wasn't ready for another relationship, which is fair.

Since then we've had a work night out, went to a club where he spent most of the night speaking to another girl, he came over explained it was an old school friend, I thought nothing of it as we're not a couple he can do as he wants. I've since found out he kissed that girl and he's been very distant since.. do I have the right to question him on this or just move on? He still comes to see me in work, brings me a coffee etc but hasn't mentioned going out whereas before that night he was very much about us spending time together! Hmm

OP posts:
ComtesseDeSpair · 29/08/2018 19:04

Don’t question him. Follow his lead. You had some dates, he’s since decided that he doesn’t want to take things further, he’s moved on and so should you. It was pretty crappy of him not to tell you as much and just let things drift and leave you wondering where you stand; but he already told you at the start he wasn’t looking for commitment or a relationship - and if you, ultimately, are then he’s done you a favour here. Look for somebody consistent, reliable and open who wants the same as you. Don’t get hung up on a man who doesn’t want a relationship, hoping you can change his mind.

Bluntness100 · 29/08/2018 19:10

Please don't question him on it. Just move on. Yes he should probably have told you he wasn't that into you and had met someone else but he took the easy route out of it. I think many of us have been a bit guilty of this at times.

Leave it be. Questioning him isn't going to achieve anything. He's certainly not going to fall at your feet because of it. And it will simoly make things more awkward.

ScreamingValenta · 29/08/2018 19:11

I don't think he's "gone off" you; I think he's realised he likes the other woman more. This isn't something you should regard as a criticism of yourself - he's mentioned shared history; she might simply be more his type. He hadn't committed to you, so I don't think you can say he has been unfair - it's just a sad situation for you. I think you should draw a line under it. I hope you meet someone who's a better match soon. Flowers

Somersetlady · 29/08/2018 19:12

You said:
“ he told me he liked me but wasn't ready for another relationship, which is fair.”

Now you just need to believe it as well as hear it!

Youngbutnotsto0pid · 29/08/2018 19:13

Thank you for your wise words, I'm not really sure what I wanted I've only been single since January myself but did enjoy his company and stupidly believed when he said he liked me!

OP posts:
Bluntness100 · 29/08/2018 19:18

He probably did like you, it's maybe a case of how much. You'll meet someone else. I doubt he lied, more this happens. Not everyone we fancy is the one. 💐

MissConductUS · 29/08/2018 19:28

And you two may reconnect in the future. Hope for the best, plan for the worst. Stay friendly and go out with others.

Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 29/08/2018 19:34

Sometimes, the harsh truth can be that they are looking for a relationship, but not with you. It sounds like he liked you but he wasn't serious enough about you, so when he had another offer, he's jumped ship.
Either that or he's just genuinely not looking for anything serious and just wants to play the field a bit, but this is best avoided so you don't get more hurt.

SilverySurfer · 29/08/2018 20:07

No, you shouldn't question him, he has obviously decided you are not who he is looking for. I would let it go.

merville · 29/08/2018 20:17

"he'd only become single about 2 months before this after a messy break up with his ex fiance".

"he told me he liked me but wasn't ready for another relationship, which is fair".

"Either that or he's just genuinely not looking for anything serious and just wants to play the field a bit, but this is best avoided so you don't get more hurt".

Youngbutnotsto0pid · 29/08/2018 20:30

Thank you after reading your comments i realise this is best avoided! Think I may need to ignore his texts too! He text today asking if I was on my break as he wanted to come and see me as he had missed me we spoke for about 20 minutes but I've heard nothing since. Think I got too excited about the potential rather than the reality! Blush

OP posts:
Butterfly44 · 29/08/2018 20:40

Ah....I've been there. It's hard but lots of wise words already said OP. Yes, don't fall back and meet and text. It's not good for you. And he will still want the ego boost of knowing you still like him and are a fall back. Don't give that to him. You are not second best 💐

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