Delayed feelings to bad news? Ill baby related.

[abitofamessreally]

6 months ago my child became very ill. He was 3 weeks old and went from being happy as anything to us being told he was septic and to prepare ourselves he might not make it within a matter of hours.

At the time, I just got on with things. I was like a robot. We were in hospital for a few weeks and luckily he pulled through and we had home nurses after that. I didn’t talk about it or cry, I ignored it.

Everyone told me how ‘strong’ I was but I was just blank. No real emotions.

Suddenly now months later it keeps popping into my head, I’ll suddenly be driving along and think ‘omg he nearly died’ or he’ll pull a face and I’ll think ‘yep he’s got brain damage, he’ll never have a normal life’ etc. And burst into tears. It’s like a knot in my chest that I can’t shake.

Is this common? What do I do? I feel ridiculous if I suddenly start talking to those I usually depend on and admit how I feel because it was a long time ago and he ‘appears’ to be fine now. Has anyone experienced this?

Completely normal OP. Some people shut down when everything around them is overwhelming and you almost go on autopilot. The reality has now hit you and that is totally ok. If you feel like you're having panic attacks, see your GP

Thank you so much for replying, it’s so nice to hear it’s normal and that I’m not crazy

Totally normal. I was like this when my mum died. It was months before the grief hit and I sobbed for weeks! I was told that you can bury despair for a time,but eventually it will come spilling out.

It wasn't a long time ago and your feelings are completely normal. Can you ask your GP for a debrief to enable you to put some of the thoughts in your head in order? I went through a life or death situation in the back of an ambulance with my then 7 year old, for a very long time I couldn't drive past a certain lay-by without flashbacks to that day.

You are not crazy, but there is help out there and it is ok to ask for support.

Completely normal, my baby was very ill at 5 weeks and only with my perseverance did he get admitted to Stoke Mandeville. 6 day stay and home all ok but poorly. You used coping strategies, to enable you to cope and not fall apart. You may have PTSD, talk about it. It's very early days. Time heals.

Thanks everyone sorry to hear about your experiences.

I think I’m going to request the medical records to set things straight in my head and see if that helps, if not will go to my gp.

Normal.

My DM sadly died when my youngest DC was just a few weeks old. I just kept going - up in the night, feeding every 2 hours, taking older DC to school - I had no choice because I had a tiny baby relying on me. I also think that I had all the hormones from birth keeping me going, plus a big dose of adrenaline from the stress.

I basically fell apart about a year later.

sounds as though you could have PTSD.
My own daughter was very ill 17 years ago and though she recovered I went through similar and didnt realise I had PTSD and could have done with help. Please try to get some helpx

It may be that some part of you has now gotten past the initial "oh god, what do we do" and is now at "okay, so...what do we do?" When I get like that, weeks/months after the initial crisis passes, it's because I'm ready to start taking real action.

For me, when this kind of thing hits, the best thing to do is to read up and research and confront my fears head-on. Have you read "What to do about your Brain-Injured Child" by Glenn Doman? He helped many children with various types of delays caused by many factors to become happier, smarter, and more physically robust, and I know people who have had tremendous success by following his methods with their children (especially if they can be followed from a very early age).

I had similar. Baby very poorly, in hospital for months. We just had to function as normally as possible all that time. It's only afterwards that you wonder how you did it and how serious it was.

Completely normal, but if you're struggling go to your gp and see if they can get you some counselling.

Yes, completely normal. My baby had meningitis and sepsis at 8 months old which led to heart failure and open heart surgery. Completely unexpected and a huge shock. We just got through it at the time because what choice have you got? A year later I saw a counsellor for about 4 months to work through what had happened and it really helped me. I’m so sorry to hear that your baby was so poorly and I hope he suffers no long lasting effects

Sorry this happened to you. My baby almost died and I'm faced with the prospect of potential brain damage although everything looks fine right now too.

I've had to just get on with it as well because when you have a new baby there's no time to sit about feeling glum when the baby needs feeding and looking after. However all the medical professionals have asked me to keep in mind that ptsd is a real possibility even months down the line and that i should talk to someone if im suffering with it! So i think its quite normal to have a delayed reaction and that u might want to consider going to your GP.

I think i probably do have ptsd and should have followed my own advice to you, but i didnt want to admit it to the health visitor and midwives at the time because quite frankly i just didnt want the added pressure of them labelling me as having a mental health issue when in my opinion it's completely normal to not feel okay after going through something so traumatic. I had also had enough of hospitals and doctors and just wanted them to leave us alone to be a family, whilst appreciating all they did for us!

I've suffered flashbacks, numbness, nightmares, good days and bad and all quite soon after the event. Im quite lucky in that ive been able to talk it through at length with close friends etc and have allowed myself to cry a lot. If i didnt have that support id definitely have gone for counselling.

I did force myself to go to the debrief and found that quite helpful. I didnt really learn anything new but in a strange way it helped me face up to the reality of what happened and gain a bit of closure.

The flashbacks have eased off for me but still pop into my head now and then. Mostly im happy and think all is well and then someone will mention something that reminds me that my baby might be brain damaged and i get this feeling of crushing despair. The only thing that helps me is accepting and being aware of just how traumatic the situation is and how its okay not to feel okay and that allowing myself to let my partner and close friends know that im not always okay with it isn't a sign of weakness and doesnt make me a bad or unfit mother. :(

When i feel down and question why this happened to us i have to actively change my thinking to how lucky i am my baby didnt die,and when i get a flashback i consciously tell myself to stop it and live in the moment. Easier said than done though!

Its common my lovely.

You have gone through a major trauma- please visit your GP and ask for a debrief.

I am a mental health nurse and i carry out debriefs for people who have been through a traumatic incident - what you are describing is a classic response to trauma . Please get some support for this

Your reaction is totally normal. I think it might help you to talk about it more. If you don’t feel comfortable talking to the people you usually depend on, visit your GP. You can talk to them or ask for a referral to a counsellor. Keep in mind that seeing a counsellor can just be sounding board for you and you might only want one or two or three sessions - it isn’t a big commitment of ongoing time which I know can put some people off if they think they don’t really ‘need’ it because they are able to function in day to day life.