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Original poster

MIL posting without consent

26 replies

Miasmom · 29/08/2018 15:00

My MIL has been posting photos of my 3 week old DD without asking me first. I don’t know her friends on Facebook and I haven’t been posting photos of my own DD because of the possibility of them getting into the wrong hands of strangers. I have asked my husband to explain that she should’ve asked before posting photos of someone else’s child but she doesn’t understand and is saying I’m being childish. Is she right? She is saying I’m being very silly but I feel very uncomfortable with people I don’t know being able to access photos of my baby. Any advice appreciated! Thankyou!

OP posts:
bananasandwicheseveryday · 29/08/2018 15:05

I tend to agree with you. We have recently become grandparents and I would love nothing better than to put pictures on my fb page. But I won't, because dc and DIL have chosen not to, so I respect that. Your MIL is entitled to think you are being silly, but she still needs to respect your wishes.
Your Dh needs to tell her she is not to post pictures. And if she still does it, don't allow her to have any photos.

JellieEllie · 29/08/2018 15:09

I don't think you are being unreasonable.
I don't have Facebook and I've asked my partner to not post any photos of me on there. Not even ones of us both together with his daughter. That's my choice and he respects that. I think you are being fair in not wanting your private life on a public site for all to see unless it was on your own terms.

category12 · 29/08/2018 15:12

I think your best bet is for your dh to ask her about her privacy settings on FB and make sure they're as good as they can be. Over all, I think you have to accept that this sort of thing is going to be out of your control: family members and friends do do this and mean no harm, and will think you're being silly.

You need to unpack what you think the danger is here a little yourself. What do you think someone is going to do with a picture of your child?

Personally I don't like to put too many pics of my kids up and I don't ever tag them on social media, because I have some ideas about their privacy and choices, and hate being tagged myself - but other people seem to throw everything onto FB etc. I don't think you're wrong to not like it, but you're not going to win this one.

Charmatt · 29/08/2018 15:13

Tell her that unless she takes them down and only views them herself tgat you won't be sending any more.

MarthasGinYard · 29/08/2018 15:15

I hate this Op

She lacks basic manners

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 29/08/2018 15:20

I never post pictures of other people’s DC or relatives DC without asking. A new baby is very special and I did share photos on FB first which gave the green light to my family. Your DH needs to support you and if my MIL had advised my OH that I was being silly that would have been a big issue for me. A new baby can create some issues within relationships with families and my advice is if you don’t want her to share them you tell her. Get on to FB and report them too to have them removed if she refuses.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 29/08/2018 15:21

I’ve never allowed anyone to put photos of my children on Facebook, it’s not just the sketchy people that could see them, but my kids don’t need those photos in the public domain when they’re adults. They could be politicians or celebrities (what’s the difference these days?) and these kinds of things could cause them huge embarrassment when they never asked for any of it.
Plus I bloody hate in law bragging about their great relationships with my kids when they see them every other month and get tired of them after 5 minutes. Hmm

SandAndSea · 29/08/2018 15:24

I've had members of my family and a friend all saying this, ie not wanting photos of their chn posted online, so it's not unusual ime. It's up to the parents and personally, I would always respect this choice.

A big issue for me here is that children grow up and don't necessarily want their entire lives recorded online for anyone to see.

Your mil sounds disrespectful to me.

CardinalCat · 29/08/2018 15:32

It's incredibly bad mannered and crass of her to ignore and dishonour your wishes, no matter how precious she may think you are being. I do wonder if this is portentous, in the sense that she is going to generally be a pain in the arse in relation to her grandchild and your wishes, and you should kindly and clearly put your foot down now. Having said all that, I am a bit Hmm at your fear that the photos might get "into the wrong hands of strangers." What on earth do your think strangers are going to do with photos of your baby, other than say "aww look, there's Mabel's new granddaughter, isn't she lovely, we must send a card", or similar. I think you are seeing shadows here.

sparklyandhungover · 29/08/2018 16:16

It's her grandson get a grip think you are being selfish
Make sure she's private and get over it bloody hell you'd be on here complainOMG if she wasn't interested

WeaselsRising · 29/08/2018 16:30

You aren't being childish at all. I have also recently become a grandma for the first time. DS and DDIL have not put anything at all on social media, not even announced the birth. So I haven't either. It's their news and their baby, so they get to say what happens. I really don't get this obsession with some GPs to try to take over. (Glad FB wasn't around when I had my babies).

Your Dh needs to tell her she is not to post pictures. And if she still does it, don't allow her to have any photos.
YY to this ^

Thymeout · 29/08/2018 16:30

It's natural that she'd want to show photos of her grandchild to friends. Can you work out some way in which she'd be able to do this that you'd be comfortable with?

Aussiebean · 29/08/2018 16:43

My mil doesn’t get it either. But she respects it so doesn’t

NonaGrey · 29/08/2018 17:12

Over all, I think you have to accept that this sort of thing is going to be out of your control: family members and friends do do this and mean no harm, and will think you're being silly.

I disagree. I occasionally post pictures of my own children in Facebook but I have several friends and family members who choose not to.

It’s their parenting decision and I respect it, just as I would anything else.

yips · 29/08/2018 19:16

What exactly do you think will happen if some friend of your mum's sees a photo of your baby? They all look the same at that age anyway.

yips · 29/08/2018 19:17

*friend of your MIL's

ElspethFlashman · 29/08/2018 19:21

Ask your DH to comment underneath "Hi Mum, would really appreciate if you could take this down. We don't want DD on social media at all. Thanks. Xx"

That way all her friends see your wishes spelt out in black and white.

seven201 · 29/08/2018 19:22

I had this problem. Difference being when my DH told his mum to stop she did and didn't moan about it.

She announced the birth of our child on her Facebook so some of our close friends found out via social media (complete with photo of baby just out covered in goo) instead of from us. Not something I was too pleased about.

greendale17 · 29/08/2018 19:28

I’ve never allowed anyone to put photos of my children on Facebook, it’s not just the sketchy people that could see them, but my kids don’t need those photos in the public domain when they’re adults.

^This. Ask her to take the photos down. If she doesn’t report it to Facebook

SandyY2K · 29/08/2018 21:03

I wouldn't have an issue with my baby of 3 weeks on SM by a granny.

It's not like anyone would recognise the baby.

enbh · 29/08/2018 21:11

My MIL did the exact same thing...put hospital pics up when DD was an hour old!! She announced both my pregnancy and birth on Facebook! In the end we had to adopt a 'no pics on FB altogether' stance and even then she posted a few when she'd had a drink. I ended up sending quite a stern text message and it's finally got through but you have my complete sympathy OP it's maddening and so intrusive x

NotTakenUsername · 29/08/2018 21:14

Good solution ElspethFlashman

SharpLily · 29/08/2018 21:18

Report them and FB will remove them. Don't send her anymore pictures.

It doesn't really matter whether the OP is correct that the pics could end up in the wrong hands or why she's made her decision. What's annoying is the MIL deciding to ignore the wishes of the parents. Don't let the old bat get away with it, OP. This is the thin end of the wedge...