I genuinely don’t feel like I will ever get over this break up but would appreciate any advice or anyone who’s been through similar. Completely reached rock bottom this week.
My ex was the one I had all my ‘firsts’ with and when I got pregnant we spoke about our future, he spoke about us having more children and how in love with me he was. During my pregnancy there were a few red flags where I thought he might be cheating etc but dismissed it as pregnancy hormones/anxiety over my pregnancy. A few days before DD was born I tested positive for an sti. I only found this out because I had thrush / BV and when I went to get treatment they swabbed for everything to be on the safe side as the symptoms could also be STI’s.
Confronted him and he denied it and sent me loads of links to posts online where people had false positives while pregnant.
I tried distancing myself emotionally but found motherhood so lonely and unenjoyable. I feel awful admitting it because I love DD and feel close to her, all of her needs are met, but I wish I could be a happy mum for her 
Fast forward a few months and he kept insisting he’d changed, he loved me, etc but was still a shit dad. Then he started going weeks between seeing her which broke my heart, he kept using her as a reason for us to ‘work things out’ and be a family. I tried keeping it to just communication about DD but he was the first person I’ve loved so it was genuinely like torture for me. After working things through he convinced me to give things another go. Then everything went to shit.
Found out that he has another young child and has been still seeing the mother, the entire time we were together and afterwards. He spent his birthday with me, I dropped him off somewhere afterwards and it was where he met her. Everything was a lie.
He has now dropped that girlfriend and the child and has found a new girlfriend. And they’re apparently trying for a baby. He denied mine and DD’s existence to her, and when he first started seeing her and trying for a baby, me and him were still ‘together’ sleeping together etc. Completely breaks my heart that he’s decided we aren’t worth it and he’s just found a replacement.
He told me he didn’t have s good relationship with family hence DD not meeting them.. also claimed not to use social media much hence no photos of DD.. but has the new relationship plastered everywhere and no doubt once the new girlfriend is pregnant her and the baby will also be plastered everywhere.
I’ve tried condensing it because my post is long enough but this is only a small amount of everything that’s happened.
I had an eating disorder as a teenager which has now resurfaced, I have lost over a stone in the last month. The only thing keeping me going at the moment is DD but we live a very limited life, very few family or friends and 99% of the time it’s just us two. Money is very tight too. I feel completely empty and like I will never recover from this. I can honestly say that in the last two years I haven’t had a single day where I’ve been happy or even just content. I’m sad 24/7. I do everything I ‘should’ do, Take DD out, clubs and groups, and force myself to get dressed and go out everyday but it isn’t helping at all. If anything it’s getting worse.
My entire post probably sounds pathetic but I truly feel like my life isn’t worth living anymore and I can’t take many more days of this, it’s relentless. Going to GP would be useless imo because of the huge waiting lists for counselling / CBT which I’ve had previously and have actually made me feel worse - especially counselling because they give no feedback or advice so I just feel vulnerable and exposed. So I really don’t know what to do now.