Do opposites really attract?

[Autumnn]

Just that really. I can say in my case it hasn't! I'm just out of a 7 year relationship and we're completely opposite.

He's loud, strong dominant personality, has no ambitions/goals, takes things as they come, lazy, night owl. Have a weird sense of humour will insult you under guise of "jokes".

I'm shy, introvert love my own space, but also like to socialise and travel, have many ambitions and dreams I want to fulfil, very organised and very career driven, morning person.

In my next relationship I'm looking for someone who's more like me, the male version of me? , or would we clash? What do you think?

I think it’s just a trite saying. I think there’s even research which concludes that most people successfully partner assortatively - i.e. with somebody who has reasonably similar values, outlook, likes, and characteristics (and levels of intelligence and attractiveness.) But, it can also be good in a relationship to have complementary characteristics rather than identical ones: something to bounce off and challenge each other with. And successful relationships are generally between two people who also retain their own independence, not two people living in each other’s pockets. You don’t have to (and shouldn't) be and like and do the same things all the time.

I'd say a mix of both. My ex and I were complete opposites in every way possible and we struggled to understand each other and frustrated each other no end. My partner now is more reserved than me but we compliment each other, I bring him out of his shell and he adds a bit of calmness and structure to my mildly chaotic approach to life. We enjoy a lot of the same things and have a similar sense of humour which I think is important.

But yes definitely avoid men who do the insult thing, that's just nasty.

My husband and I are in many ways two peas in a pod. We have very similar values which has made making big life decisions easier as we usually agree on how to approach things. We’re both ridiculously stubborn and butt heads at times but we really understand each other which, I think, is what makes it work. Being similar works for us but if we had different temperaments it might not work.

Mix of both is best. Shared values and interest for stability and long term success but some differences and divergent interests are needed too. For instance someone might be more outgoing and a risk taker to keep things interesting and prevent the relationship from become stale.

"Opposites attract" is just what people in terrible relationships say

In reality, you need shared values and goals when it comes to big stuff - not to agree on everything, but to have a roughly similar outlook on how important things are.

For example: supporting different political parties isn't a deal breaker, as long as you are in general accord about how important politics are overall. If one of you is passionately political and the other thinks that all politicians are liars and can't be bothered to vote, that is far trickier than if one of you is left wing and the other right.

Similarly, if one of you is really into sport and attends a match every weekend, the other party doesn't have to share that passion. But if the other party thinks that sport is for thugs and all footballers are rapists, then that will cause friction.

Decent people are decent people even if they have opposing views. Your ex would still be an arsehole even if you shared more traits.

There’s an increasing belief nowadays that people can’t disagree and those who don’t agree are either stupid or don’t know enough.

I think it’s perfectly possible to be very different people overall but share an smaller but important aspect of themselves with each other.

Personally I’m attracted to people very different to me. I like having my world expanded and my mind challenged.

I need someone with similar values to me for it to work. I have tried to date someone with different ideals, morals, political ideology etc and it just didn’t work. Likewise it didn’t work when I tried to date someone from a religious background.

My DP is more of an extrovert than I am but he isn’t loud and garish which I appreciate. We balance each other out well and share the same morals and outlook on life which makes all the difference.

Mines the male version of me and i love it lol.