Does anyone think/suspect they themselves are "toxic"?

[FuckMeIsThatEarlGrey]

I always wonder this.

I mean, how does any of us know we're not one of the "toxic" ones?

I think if you wonder about it, then you’re probably not.

I think sometimes two people can be toxic for each other but not with other people

So you don't think the toxic parents ever think "shit, I think I might be a really awful parent"?

Sometimes if I argue with/am overprotective of/anxious about the DC, I think "oh god, am I one of those toxic parents people write about?".

I agree with snuggybuggy Me and my ex were toxic together even though we had the best chemistry. I dont feel it was either of us looking back to be fair we were both as bad as each other just not a great match long term.

Now we are both happily married not to each other thank fuck! with children

That makes sense, snuggy

So do you think that applies with parent-child pairings too, snuggy and Mrs? Or when it's parent and (adult) child is it always the parent's "fault"?

I was thinking more with romantic relationships TBH. I guess a parent and child could be a bad fit but you would hope they would both make the effort to have some sort of relationship.

Truely toxic people are that way because of being extremely entitled and narcissistic usually, so wouldn't be likely to have the ability to realise they are in the wrong.
A clash of personalities making a relationship between certain people toxic is different and they will likely be able to see that they are a part of the issue (like the relationship mentioned by pp). That insight means that person likely isn't 'toxic' in general, just that there is a clash that makes that individual relationship unhealthy.

If someone finds that the majority/all of their relationships with people they know are bad then likely they are toxic but in that case usually they will blame everyone else IME.

"Do you don't think the toxic parents ever think "shit, I think I might be a really awful parent?"

That thought never occurs to them because they lack both empathy and insight.

"Sometimes if I argue with/am overprotective of/anxious about the DC, I think "oh god, am I one of those toxic parents people write about?".

No you are not if you are thinking like this. I would think you also apologise for any mistakes you make as well as taking full responsibility for your actions. Toxic parents never apologise nor accept any responsibility for their actions.

Whether you want it or not, your parents plant mental and emotional seeds in you. These seeds grow as you do. In some families, they are seeds of love, respect and independence. But not in all of them. In many others, they are seeds of fear, obligation, or guilt. There are many parents who act abusively towards their children, and such toxic behavior becomes consistent and dominant in a child’s life.

All parents make mistakes in upbringing. That’s normal, since there’s no perfect parent.

But there is a clear line when too many mistakes, especially repeating abusive behavior towards children, lead to a toxic home environment that does severe emotional damage to an innocent young person. Parents who carry a promise of love and care, while at the same time mistreat their child, are called toxic parents.

Almost all toxic parents say they love their children, and they usually also mean it. But love involves much more than just expressed feelings. Real love towards children is also a way of behaving.
What toxic parents call love rarely comes up as nourishing, comforting, encouraging, respectful, valued and accepting behaviour. Toxic parents usually do extremely unloving things in the name of love.

IME toxic people do not know they are toxic. They firmly believe that their behaviour is normal. If they knew they where toxic then they would change.
To discover if they are toxic they need to have a lot of self enquiry into their behaviour and to why they behave like they do.

Arguing and being overprotective isn't toxic. Controlling is toxic. When you and your DC disagree, argue do you stop talking to them for weeks, issue 'consequences ' (give me my food processor back) or similar? Do you try to punish them?

Do you allow them to disagree with you, or do you use emotional blackmail to make them toe the line?

What kind of things are you arguing about?

Sometimes I do think so. I kind of think I would go full bunny boiler if my husband ever really betrayed me (leaving me, beating me up, stuff like that). But in the meantime we have a pretty normal relationship, we could both probably do with more emotional boundaries but hey, that's probably true of everyone.