Partners Mother and Sister are really becoming a big issue

[Blanca123]

So we have had previous problems with his mother and sister in the past but I’m now pregnant (and I’m now thinking I should of waited till issues were sorted beforehand) my partner and I want to do a gender reveal so we’ve booked the scan and agreed mutually that my friend would be the person to know the sex and organise the the actual main focus of the party should it be canisters or balloons.

Anyway so our conversation has come on to the scan he’s then said ‘Yh my mums coming to that’ I’ve then said I don’t think it would be appropriate as the last time we were around eachother she had mentioned wanting a dna test as the child won’t physically come from her son so how would she really know that being said he’s put that down as a joke I’ve then got upset.

He’s then said that I make decisions without him constantly I then said anything concerning the baby I ALWAYS run past him or get his views on first due to this not just being my baby.

I then got more emotional and said that how would it make sense is she then going to help our friend organise the gender reveal he then says no she’s just going to know first.... I’m then more emotional and I’m like you need to stop allowing these people that constantly disrespect me and our family in positions they don’t deserve she’s contacted me once since finding out that I’m pregnant she doesn’t actually care about my well-being despite me carrying our child.

He’s then told me that I’m ruining this pregnancy for him and I should leave, I’ve been so upset and disgusted by this entire thing I just constantly cry because as it might sound small I really feel like I’m alone and don’t have the support I should have from my partner.

I thought telling his mother we were having a baby would hopefully mend some bridges and get us all civil with each other instead it feels like it’s worse, the day we told her we’re having a baby she’s looked straight at him and dismissed me ‘you have to tell your sister!’ Like I don’t exists then the dna comment happened and then she was in her phone telling people that I’m pregnant and it was by chance we seen her this day.

His sister is another thing but recently she’s not done anything but still hasn’t apologised for things she has done so all of these things are bubbling up inside and he does nothing to the point I’m now wanting to take things into my own hands and protecting myself, I think the mistake I’ve made is looking to him to defend me but is that a mistake? Is he not meant to protect me ESPECIALLY now that I’m pregnant...

I suspect that your DP isn't that interested in having a party to announce the sex of your baby - if he were, then he would have reminded you that his mother's presence at the scan makes no difference at all because the sex, if determined, will not be mentioned. As it is, he's happy for it all to be bogged up.

But that's not the important part
What is, is that until the baby is born, these are your medical appointments and people can only attend them at your invitation and with your consent.

Spell that out in words if one syllable to DP, and say that although he is welcome, no-one else is, and if he still makes a fuss, consider telling him that he need not attend either. However, think it through carefully before going that far.

This is about setting your boundaries, so think about what contact you want with her. Have no expectation that she will change, and that it would be wrong to expect DP to forgo a relationship with his mother. It's always a bad idea to force people to choose. But you can think about whether you want to find ways to be considerably lower contact.

He's not going to magically turn into a protective, more caring person because you are pregnant. People who don't defend you to their family are not on your side. It shouldn't be about sides, you are meant to be a couple, but it sounds almost like you're on the outside and him and his family on the inside.

You could think about building bridges with his sister, if that's possible. Assuming she doesn't do anything to hurt you again, maybe she was following her mother's lead (maybe your partner is as well).

As for his mother, NO. Why put yourself through all the hurt and stress of having her at a personal moment in your life?

Are you really sure you want to be with him? He sounds bloody horrible

Do you want a baby with this man? How far gone are you? It may not be too late in case you want to change your mind.

@AuntieStella He has said wanted the gender reveal as it will include everyone whereas the baby shower is just for the females that’s why I got more upset because it just goes against what we’d planned uno

@ohfourfox and @Nadia I prayed for this baby so hard as I had a miscarriage two years ago but I am starting to think I have jumped the gun but we have recently started relationship counselling to tackle these issues as I want the baby to have the best foundation but as for me and him I just don’t really see it working as this has been ongoing for years now

He hasn't changed. You can't change him. He has shown you what he really feels and where you stand. He will never support you.

The only thing you could have changed was your relationship with him. Unfortunately you have now tied yourself to him, his mother and his sister forever.

You may be better to separate and do what you can to minimise the fall out from his family.

Sorry this isn't what you want to hear.