Do you think it's possible to be unlovable?

[broccolicheesebake]

I'm 38 nearly 39 and have never been loved, in the romantic sense. I was married for 10 years but I was in a bad place when we got together and looking back, it was clear he never loved me and treated me badly. Prior to that, there were guys i liked but they never liked me back. I've never experienced that feeling of mutual attraction, only ever unrequited feelings.

I know from counselling alot of this stems back to childhood stuff. Narc father who was/is emotionally abusive, and mother who I don't have a strong bond with so I have an avoidant attachment styld. Add to this that I'm not physically attractive and I feel like a total dead loss. I'm just not the kind of woman that men fancy. I don't 'bond' with people easily or quickly, so mostly I just merge in to the background and go completely unnoticed.

I think it's quite possible I'll go through life never experiencing a loving healthy relationship and that makes me so sad.

Perfect is impossible and I don’t see anyone touting perfection as the answer

For context I am single! So I have no romantic love but it does not make me feel hopeless and worthless. I’m not perfect. I’m not married. But I am HAPPY

Thank you all for replying . Some brilliant advice and food for thought. So much of it is theoretically what I already know but I just struggle to put it in to practice. I actually had this light bulb moment after leaving my marriage that you actually have to treat yourself with respect in order to improve your self esteem (echoing what lots of you have said), which means actively addressing situations that aren't good for you.

I just seem to have lapsed back in to a rut, back in to my old thought patterns. A trigger I think was the constant rejection on OLD. This obviously says the self esteem is still a bit fragile but I think I'm in a better place than I was a few years back.

A pp mentioned therapy vs counselling (sorry I've lost track who said it). I've always thought of them as the same thing? Are they not?

Thanks again all, it's really helped

I don't think so, no. Humans are sufficiently varied and numerous that pretty much any combination of traits any of us have will appeal to someone. Doesn't mean you'll find them of course!