How do you get over someone who doesn't feel the same

[Rosegoldlilly]

Usually you would delete their number and never see them again. However I work with this guy. I see him at least once a week. We used to date then it all went wrong. Did speak for about 4 months and now we are back to being friends. I feel there's still a spark there but he's recently told me he doesn't want a serious relationship and he backed away because he didn't want to mess me around. Yet he still flirts with me and gets jealous if this other guy speaks to me. I'm besotted with him but I know that there will never be anything there now. How do I get over him? When someone doesn't feel the same as you it's awful :(

*didn't speak

Maybe try to change jobs? Without mentioning it to him.
If he doesn’t want to have a serious relationship with you then you should move on... I would start from trying to change my job.

But there are more wiser people here who will come along and offer support 💐

that must be very painful OP. Can you avoid him at work?if not would you consider changing your job? It can’t be easy knowing you will see him at work.

I am sorry to say it, but from what you said I think he may be leading you on a bit, if he doesn’t want a relationship with you, but flirts and gets jealous when other men talk to you, sounds like an ego trip on his part tbh.

Try to avoid him if you can. Good luck OP ☘️

Throw yourself into spending time with family and friends, sports, exercise and activities. The more you keep busy the less time you'll have to think about him. Could you do a course for personal development at work to keep busy?

If there wasn't any history and you didn't care so much about him your interactions would be seen as banter. He's made it clear he doesn't want a relationship so it is a little unfair of him to flirt with you, and you with him, but this is the natural way of your relationship and it will be difficult to break that cycle. Over time it will get back to friends if you're willing to be patient.

It is hard to stay friends with someone you want more with but to maintain the friendship you will have to guard your feelings so you don't expect anything more and get hurt along the way.

In an ideal world he will change his mind but you have to accept that also he might not.

Or you could do what I did and put up a big wall, cut him off completely and find a new job!!!!!

This is all part of life and relationships and I hope you do eventually find someone to enjoy your life with.

I think also he likes keeping me there and gives me something so I'm hopeful and then withdraws and gets a by distant. It really messes with my head. But then I'd be sad if he wasn't in my life as we get on well. I just feel like my head is all over the show really but deep down know that nothing will ever become of us :(

Is he senior to you or vice versa? Or are you at an equal level in different roles?

Know the feeling all too well. Still have it myself.
He likes the attention and the knowing that you still like him. Don't be a back up. You are not second best. You deserve someone who is emotionally available. It's hard as it feels like no one compares. Look at it as though he's set the bar for what your looking for. Go out and find that. Don't wait for him. And busy yourself and stay away as much as possible. Nothing like showing you're not bothered and getting on with enjoying life, even if it's not true quite yet x

I'm 4 years old than him and we have slightly different roles so neither one is really above each other.
That's it I think he liked knowing I like him and it gives his ego a boost. He didn't like it when my attention was elsewhere and it's like when he senses I'm almost over him he will try pull me back. Tbh I don't really want to leave my job I'm doing well there and can build a career. I just need to be stronger and try distance myself

All you have to do is imagine it the other way round. Years ago some guy liked me more than I liked him and sometimes I'd cringe or ignore his texts.
That's all you need to know. Get back control and detach yourself. Get out and about and as soon as you meet someone else you will think what was that all about?
BTW he sounds like a bit of a dick for being jealous. How dare he?

Op I’ve been there and it’s horrible. I wish I had the answers but am still muddling through myself

Yep this is how far the jealously went. Me and the new guy get on well just as pure friends. (He's 9 years my junior) so when I went over to go speak to someone the guy I like jumped on my computer and sent an email from it to the new guy asking him out for lunch! Luckily the new guy saw what he had done but I was fuming!! I told him to not ever go on my computer and do it! Then after that numerous times he makes digs about me and the new guy getting on and saying yea he's jealous. Then he tried to set us up but I told him to stop it and I'm happy as I am.

He sounds like a big kid. Definitely game playing.
Distance yourself and start dating others (not at work).
This manchild is deliberatetly messing with your head.

I recently went NC and blocked someone who was doing this to me. It's all a game to them, they don't want you fully but they don't want anyone else to have you. They like having you when they feel like it but then push you away when they're done. It's not fair but you have to realise that only YOU are in control of this situation.

Want to be friends with him? Well you can't go from dating and still being 'besotted' with him to being friends. It's like a cycle, you may have started out as strangers, become friends, got into a relationship and now you need to start that cycle over to actually be friends. Meaning you need DISTANCE, you need to not contact him. I understand you work with him but I would tell him that for now he needs to leave you alone if he's not interested in anything more.

Just remember the longer you waste on this guy, the longer you are missing out on other people out there. Have you been on other dates or even considered getting back out there? Even just using dating apps to chat to other people can really help make you realise he is just ONE guy out of thousands who could actually treat you a lot better.

Every time you go back to him, or chat with him, you are just boosting his ego. I think we actually want people more when they don't want us. It's a weird thing we do, where we feel rejected and we want to prove to ourselves that we are worth loving, and we want that guy to love us. But he's not worth your time, you really do need space to see that even if it's just avoiding him as much as possible at work and NC outside of work.

I understand OP it is awful.

The thing is he's not being nice or respectful towards you at all. If he had any sensitivity/decency he'd keep a low profile but no, he's kind of goading you. Do a face of stone, see if he keeps it up then!

So back in December he was messing with my head and I was going through a really tough time (a family death) so I said let's be friends as I sensed he didn't want anything. So he blocked me and didn't speak to me when he knew what I was going through. It was horrible. And tbh I don't even know why I still like him but he does this thing that just makes me feel special and he looks at me and smiles. I know he knows what he is doing. So I've blocked him now and in just going to keep it professional at work.
I saw someone else for a few weeks not along ago, didnt work out though.

I think also he likes keeping me there and gives me something so I'm hopeful and then withdraws and gets a by distant. It really messes with my head. But then I'd be sad if he wasn't in my life as we get on well.

You really don't actually get on that well if he messes with your head.

Try and be a bit analytical about it. What did you love about being with him? Look for that kind of spark in a new relationship. What did you hate or what left you feeling insecure? Make sure you never ever accept that in a relationship again.

Look for things about him that annoy you or that you can now see are a bit manipulative. Does he flirt with you and then just as it seems genuine whizz off and flirt with or compliment another woman in your presence? Tosser-games-player. Play a private game of tosser bingo in your head and get amused every time you cross off one of his little games. The more transparent they become, the less you'll want him and the less likely you'll be to fall for that again.

Decide to aim higher, to not settle for someone who's not that into you. He'll probably start pestering you, but by then, with luck, you'll have raised your standards and be seeing someone outside work.

Thanks mina that's really helpful advice

Also tosser bingo 😂 I'll try it

He sounds like an utter prick - sending an email from your pc to the new guy at work?! What the actual fuck. And the behaviour around your bereavement..

He's a complete tool. How can you still be attracted to such a wanker?

You need to create distance. Stop indulging him and yourself in the flirting. Be professional but don't engage with anything else with him. Just be boring - get on with the work, and don't spend time with him.