What is normal - looking at other women

[IThinkILoveAI]

I’ve got another thread about my BF’s behaviour but I would really appreciate some input about other people’s relationships, as I think I’m being gaslighted.

My BF has form for staring at other women. I’ve told him in the past that I found it disrespectful and he said he couldn’t help it, it was natural and all men did it. However he said he would stop.

He told me yesterday that when he goes out with one of his friends (who he has form for doing sleazy things when with him) they spend the evening looking at and commenting upon women.

TBH, this makes me feel a bit sick. I can appreciate you can’t not see attractive people but it’s the whole set up of staring, sitting and commenting that I find this whole thing disrespectful to both me and the women. I recall seeing men his age leering at me from the corner of the bar when I was younger and thinking they were horrible.

He tells me again that this is normal behaviour and that I could line up ten men and at least nine would stare at other women.

I think it is over but I feel like he has got me doubting if I’m reasonable.

Is looking and commenting on other women normal?

Yuk

That’d make me feel sick.

Red line for me, I would be out the door, no exceptions.

He sounds a chump OP. Dare I say you may be better off without him, though it's your choice, and it would be anti-feminist of me to say you shouldn't have a choice.

No not normal. I’m sure many people enjoy a surreptitious glance or can appreciate someone’s attractiveness but why is he making it so obvious? Just sounds like leering to me. Tbf exh never did that, not even an admiring glance.

He's made you feel far more insecure since you got together with this person. Of course he is attempting further to do this and spin you a line.

Like many abusive men as well he likely behaved well enough and for just long enough for you to become well and truly overinvested and or otherwise hooked. You really do need to break free of him.

Given too his enmeshment and codependent relationship with his mother as described in your other thread why are you with him at all now?.

Not acceptable even if he was single.

@petal are you suggesting that 9 out of 10 men ogle women in the way the op describes? Cos' obviously that not the case.

That behaviour would lead me to break off the relationship. Imagine staring at the barmaids bum when out socially with you. Disrespectful and sleazy.

This is the guy with the mum on the sun-lounger?!?!

He's an unusual one that's for sure.

none of the men I know personally would do this
no one can help noticing other people and maybe if they are attractive but that's not what you are describing

My ex did this, my DH never does.

Not the cuddling his mother weirdo!

Having someone catch your eye is normal. Sitting with your tongue hanging out and making it clear to your partner that you are indeed fantasising and comparing is the action of a vile arsewipe.

Indeed. The cuddling mother weirdo.

I’m embarrassed to even be asking this. I am seeing a therapist who thinks that I am a bit blind to how awful he is.

Not normal. I 'm sure most people (Male and female) notice when someone particularly attractive walks by, but it's not normal to stare and it's certainly not normal to sit with a friend, staring and commenting. It's repulsive and shows.that he sees women as objects rather than people who deserve respect.

No that's not normal. Openly admitting he sits there looking and commenting. Have they got nothing better to talk about between them. I know people look but iv never had a partner who would openly comment about someone else except maybe a celebrity on tv. I guess it's the bigger picture of the relationship too so if your partner makes nice comments about you and isn't abusive then I'd say it's ok but my ex constantly used to call me ugly and make me feel shit so in that instance, if he made comments about other women I'd have seen it as an extension of him trying to put me down. If that makes sense

I'm another voice chiming in to say what he's doing shows no respect for you as his partner, or for women - he's objectifying the women as objects that are there solely for his pleasure and entertainment.

He's gaslighting you, it's not normal and you deserve to be with a man that adores and respects you.

I’ve just read your other thread.

Seriously why? Why are you wasting your life with this man?

In the time tou’ve Written these threads you could have called him to break it off.

You don’t live with him. Just end it - you’ll feel so much better.

I've just read your other thread. He's truly awful......a man in his 40's should know how to behave better than that.
You deserve so much more.