Separated after 23 years - 10 weeks on

[Lcar]

Lots of you gave me support last year and earlier this year, when I was building the strength to leave a long emotionally abusive marriage.

10 weeks after leaving, the children and I are settled into our little rented cottage. Our 16 year old son got good GCSE results against all the odds (we were living separate and very unfriendly lives in the same house throughout exam time), and starts 6th form next week, and our 14 year old daughter starts her GCSEs.

The two older children (19 and 21) have been home all summer too, they go back to their respective universities in a couple of weeks.

I haven’t seen my ex since June. He’s moved back to his old home town, and we aren’t, um, chatty. He organises contact directly with the kids, and they tell me what’s going on. He doesn’t see them more than once a week for a coffee in Costa or meal with his mum, and none of them have been to his house, and he hasn’t contacted them at all for a couple of weeks.

He’s given me some maintenance money twice, though he didn’t give me the amount I asked for to share school uniform costs, and he hasn’t helped at all with feeding the older kids all summer.

He’s been moaning to them how broke he is.

The children have been fantastic, supportive and understanding. My ex’s mother lives in the same town as me, and has been fine with me.

I ran on adrenaline for a while, keeping busy with work and organising life, and not letting myself feel too much, but I haven’t felt so well the last month or so. I’ve been signed off work with stress/ depression for all of August. I’m on a higher dose of depression meds at the moment.

I’m starting to feel a bit better, but I guess I’m emotionally a bit exhausted.

The future’s positive though, and I certainly don’t miss my ex. I cried a few times early on, and I guess I’ve been mourning the loss of the future I had planned, but I’m realising that it wasn’t based on reality.

I think recovery will take some time though, and I need to rediscover who I am.

Any tips for recovering and finding myself again?
Thanks again for all your help x

Hello x well I've read thro and would like to say, well done and keep on going. I've not been thro this and I don't have children, BUT we all get knocks and I've had mine.....so I'd say.....

Firstly, it is early days. Very early.
Secondly, why no the keep a journal? Have a quiet life for a while with lots of time at home or on your own out walking and just think things through. Use the time to just rehash everything and think about it to your hearts content.
Also, watch lots of to or read, anything that is light and will be easy, non drama and enjoyable. This lets the time pass.
Start thinking about who you might like to be and what you might like to do.

That's all I have really.

If he was emotionally abusive, and you were with him a long time, it will take a while to get past it all. It will take a while to even understand the depth of the wounds you sustained.

X