Dad angry stepdad was called grandad

[SoniaShoe]

My dad has refused to talk to me or my sister for the last 9 months because we let our kids call my mum's partner 'grandad hisname' . We have 5 kids between me and my sister aged between 14 and 2 and this has been going on for years but he got more angry about it last xmas when he heard my 6 year old call him 'grandad hisname' and hasn't forgiven us since.

My parents split up 37 years ago and my mum was with her partner (not married) for 19 years. So he's been part of our family for the whole of our kids' lives.

What's worse is that sadly our stepdad died in Feb this year after being ill for months. I've talked to my dad about it but he says that we've devalued his title of grandad and he now can't have us in his lives!

It just seems so ridiculous to me! It would be interesting to get some other views.

Your dad is being ridiculous. Our mums have both remarried and our DCs refer to both of our stepdads as 'grandad'.

I don't understand your dads point of view, sorry. My dc have step-grandparents on both sides, they've all been called Grandma/Grandad name. I think they are important to the dc and they have more than enough love to go round. My parents have never had an issue with it either, just glad that dc have more people to love and care for them.

I don't see it as devaluing his title either, presumably the grandchildren that are old enough to understand know who is who in the family anyway.

Your dad doesn't get to dictate to you what your dc call family members.
Plenty of people refer to step parents and mum / dad and even inlaws as mum / dad. It's also common to refer to good family friends as auntie / uncle whatever.

Apart from him being massively unreasonable in the first. The fact his response is to cut your kids off completely because he can't have some grandad rights is just pathetic.

I would let him stew in his misery and wait for him to contact you hopefully once he's removed his head out of his arse.

I think it is so ridiculous. He is the only grandad left on my sister's kid's side and he's refusing to see them because of it! I've told him that he was more important- he got the school photos, xmas presents etc but stepdad never got any of that!

It's all so bonkers. He thinks we have done wrong though.

Your Dad is a dick.

My DC call my Step Dad Grandad hisname. My Step Dad has actually been divorced from my Mum for 7 years (my D.C. are 10, 7 and 2) but we still see him regularly.

Does he have a partner? Do the kids call her grandma?

So your stepdad is dead and your dad is still seeing his arse about this?
Would he want his wife to be grandma?

I know. He really is such a dick.

I needed to get others opinions as he is so adamant that I've done a bad thing to him I started to doubt myself.

He said to me 'what if you split from your DP and your kids called his new partner mum'. I said I would make sure I was the best mum to them. The last thing I would do is stop talking to the whole family and remove myself from their lives. What good would that do me!

I think he going a bit mad in old age. Genuinely. He can't be thinking straight surely.

Well, he's truly cut off his nose to spite his face. The other guys dead, ffs. I'd leave him to it. If he comes round, great. If he doesn't, then he didn't deserve you all anyway.

No he's single and lonely. Which says a lot. Nobody to talk some sense into him and probably some jealousy.

I'm angry that he can cut us off so easily. It's not like I can do anything about it now!

My grandchildren have my ex's former wife as a grandma in their lives, and they divorced LONG before they were born. The more people who love your kids the better, you've done nothing wrong.

Thanks spartasprout