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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Sick of DH

7 replies

MsMisery · 28/08/2018 19:44

I’m utterly miserable. I feel like our relationship has just gone to shit.

Married for 3 years with a 1yo DC, together for nearly a decade.
Backstory; We met when I was 18, DH is 13 years older. The first 5 years were great, I then had some issues with depression and anxiety, but after a year of working hard and meds, I was back on track. The relationship picked up again for a year or so, we decided to marry and got caught up in the planning and joy that weddings seem to bring. But I would say that we haven’t been fully okay for the last 4 years - without distractions it’s blatantly obvious we’re not happy.

We’ve had intimacy problems since I suffered with my mental health, basically, my lack of self confidence and sadness just turned him off and we’ve never got it back. I don’t think he’s been attracted to me for a while, but this has just gotten worse post pregnancy. He admitted that my stretch marks, thicker waist and jiggly belly repulse him. Also my lack of body confidence is not appealing difficult to have when your considered repulsive.

This, teamed with his inability to ever be happy, constant moods, bitchiness to everyone (family, friends, innocent people walking down the street - he’ll tear apart their appearance!) has just left me bitter, miserable.

...and to be honest, I just don’t like him. I’m sick of the rows, sick of guessing what the latest problem is. But my main concern is that this is entirely me. Am I just sinking back into depression and focusing in on our relationship? I’m just desperate for a bit of advice before I snap. Sad

Motherhood has come as a shock to the system, and I’m just curious if anyone else has felt like this - a year post partum - and fixed it?

OP posts:
merrykate · 28/08/2018 21:36

It's fine for partners to grow apart or lose the spark. It's not fine for a partner to tell you he finds you physically repulsive, especially if the changes to your body are the result of you carrying HIS baby! I don't even know him and I find HIM repulsive. Is he some sort of oil painting? I hope you're ok. Focus on looking after your baby and your mental health. From what you've said it doesn't sound like there's much of a future for you and your DH.

Pollaidh · 28/08/2018 21:44

He sounds really unpleasant. A loving husband does not say that he finds you repulsive! You deserve someone who will treat you well, help you feel more confident and enjoy life.

Motherhood is a shock to the system, even with a supportive partner. Without one, you might well be better off alone. I wonder how much he's doing at home?

happypoobum · 28/08/2018 21:46

This, teamed with his inability to ever be happy, constant moods, bitchiness to everyone (family, friends, innocent people walking down the street - he’ll tear apart their appearance!) has just left me bitter, miserable.

No love, it's not you, it's him.

I would start getting my ducks in a row. I suspect your MH issues will improve quickly when he is no longer around.

JellieEllie · 28/08/2018 21:59

The issue lies with him not you. Someone who ridicules others for their outward appearance is either extremely insecure or extremely narcissistic.
I think you would be better off without him. He isn't doing your mental health any favours and for someone who has overcome so much you deserve to be happy with someone that cannot take their eyes off you and considers you the best thing since sliced bread.

tryingtogetthroughlife · 28/08/2018 22:02

Oh, Op please stop second guessing yourself. Easier said than I done I know. But from what I've read I feel like you're body confidence is not helped with he's comments to you and about other people.
Has he ever thrown you're mental health back at you?
Has he used it as an excuse for he's behaviour?
Please download the Bright Sky app, it's an online diary. It's not just for domestic abuse, please read the information on emotional abuse. I'm not trying to make you feel worse but I found it an eye opener.
Please try to access a support network to help you with through this again easier said than done.
Good luck op x

SunflowerJo08 · 28/08/2018 22:04

What a horrible way to speak to someone. He truly does not deserve you. You could tie yourself into knots trying to change various aspects of your life and MH, and still come out the other side with a dick for a husband.

As a PP said, start organising your paperwork etc. Find a way forward without him.

Wallywobbles · 28/08/2018 22:06

There's no way back from when someone says they find you repulsive. I've been there.

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