Is he in love with me?

[MindFunk]

I'm getting confusing mixed signals from a guy I have feelings for. We were good friends at work but I felt there was sexual chemistry and we flirted like crazy. We had a moment together after talking about some very personal family things on an evening out together and connected on another level, nothing happened between us apart from a cuddle. After this I noticed a change in his behaviour at work, he started acting weird around me and not sitting by me st work. I asked him if something was up and he said nothing and that we were fine.
We still exchanged pleasantries at work and texts but nothing of a flirty nature anymore.

He was texting about a wild night out a few months later and was talking about someone he'd been dancing with in a jokey fashion. I confessed to him I had feelings for him and it hurt when he talks to me about other people and I'd prefer that he didn't tell me these things even though I know he doesn't feel the same way about me.

He said he'd always love me as one of his closest friends and confidant, he doesn't want anything to jeopardise our friendship and that he's noticed he has changed as a person for the better because of me.

So that was that. I accepted he loves me as a friend. That's cool I can accept that and in time maybe I can get over romantic feelings I hold for him.

But then about 5 hours later he text me "(MindFunk) I love you". So instantly I'm thinking wtf why is he coming out with this when up thread he's basically friend zoned me for all eternity. So I was like "In what way?" And he says in a way that I mean a lot to him and he doesn't want to lose me. Anyway I thank him and it leads in to a few flirtatious jokes. Following day he is very friendly with me and touching my shoulders while talking to me but professional as we work together. After this I thought some more about it so I sent him a text about something and signed off btw I love you too. He said "perhaps we should meet up outside of work x". Anyway I've left it a while as life has been a bit busy but we've organised to meet up this weekend as I need to talk to him about these messages and find out how he really feels. The whole thing is a mind fuck and I am so confused.

I'm afraid I sit in the 'if you have to ask, he probably isn't' camp. At best I think he's confused about his feelings. See what happens at the weekend - the ball is in his court now.

You've given him 2 opportunities to admit any romantic feelings are mutual and he has come back with his feelings are platonic. You've had your answer. Sorry it's not what you want to hear

Sounds like a head fuck to me.

How old are you both?

Love is not really not possible as you don't know each other however I think he interested because you are so interested on him. He is flattered.

If he was keen you would know about it. Be careful as I think you are giving him such strong signals he might take advantage and if you work together it could cause issues.
I would try to get over him.

Agree with others saying if he was, you would know. I would say he sees you as a friend, but doesn't fancy you. But because you have confessed your feelings he's seeing you as an option or potential back up.
Don't be second best to anyone, it's better to be with someone who is in love with you so much that you won't have to question it

Maybe he got the impression after the first night out where you say you bonded he knew that your feelings were more romantic than platonic so he backed off from you at work and in general.
Once he was able to tell you (on two occasions) his feelings towards you were purely as a friend he has been able to relax around you again and can act more himself and doesn't feel worried that you will take it as more.

He cares about you as a friend. He doesn't love you - he has never been in a relationship with you, so he can't love you - and it sounds as though he's not interested in you in that way. He's not asked you out for drinks/meal/cinema/anything.

You shouldn't have said you don't like to know about him dancing or being with other girls - I would think most men would be put off by you saying that, seeing as you're not his girlfriend

Sounds like he is stringing you along. Sorry 😕

Hmm yeah I think it's a game too.. I liked to think it wasn't as we were good friends. But now I'm thinking of playing him back by cancelling. But then I think I need closure on these bloody messages as they're driving me a little mad.

He doesn't want a relationship with you. He's told you that several times, you don't need any "closure". Nor do you need to play him, either meet him as a friend or end your friendship.

You don't need to meet him and talk to him about it.

When a man loves you, as others have said, you don't worry and fret, he makes sure you KNOW. No man wants to risk another man jumping in and taking the woman he wants.

However, mindfeckers like to keep a harem. They give a 'no/yes' impression and keep their women guessing and hoping, so they can have sex/money/housing at will whenever they need it.

So on the day when you moan about them cheating etc, they can say, 'but I told you I saw you as a friend!/I only loved you as a friend!' etc.

The only ambiguity here is in your own head. Do not meet him and ditch him - not as a game but to preserve your own sanity and self-respect.

There are two possibilities :

1. He has straightforwardly told you he cares for you as a friend because that is how he feels. In which case, you playing a load of games, "cancelling to pay him back" (pay him back for what??) and instigating long, conversations about what is going on with you guys is going to weird him out and make him back off. He has offered you friendship - are you capable of that?

B) He is deliberately flirting, professing his love then claiming he only wants friendship because he enjoys your attention, and would not be adverse to the occasional drunken shag, but wants to retain plausible deniability when it comes to a relationship. So he is happy to mess about with you, but isn't interested in being your boyfriend.

You know him best - which do you think is more likely?

However, I'm afraid I don't think there is a third option where he is secretly in love with you but just needs you to push him to admit it. You have made your interest in him pretty clear - I think if you continue to push it, you will look back and cringe.

Just go meet him and see what he's got to say!