Is is strange to not want to know who your 'dad' is?

[Winchester89]

Just curious really. My DH found out in his late 20's that his dad isn't actually his 'dad'. His mum was pregnant with him when she got with who is now his dad, never told him, and he found out from a cousin or someone about it out of nowhere.

He said a lot of things made sense after this as he felt his relationship with his dad was quite different to the other siblings (he's the oldest of 4)
He told them he didn't care, wasn't interested in who his biological dad was and that was that. He said his relationship with his dad improved and thinks maybe he was always worried he would find out and not want to know him any more.
Anyway - my question is, is it strange to have no curiosity regarding his biological dad? His mum says he knew she was pregnant and wasn't interested (but the lied to him or 20 odd years so how true this is I don't know) He says he has shown no interest in him ever and he already has a dad so just doesn't want to know at all. He doesn't know his name or anything about him.

Obviously I don't know how I would feel in this situation but was wondering if anyone had been through similar and felt the same way? Literally just curious.

I have never met my father. It has never bothered me.
But everyone is different.
I know other people who would feel very differently.
I know who I am, I have a family that loves me and vice versa ... I don't need to know anything about him really.

@Hellohah
That's exactly how my husband feels. And I do think good for him so good for you!
I think I would be too curious if it were me- so many unanswered questions.

Why would someone want to know who there dad was when the dad never wanted to know them. Thats going to really effect a person. My brothers dad lived in africa and never bothered with him, he came here once to meet him and my brother refused. He never met his dad, He said our mum is his mum and dad so he has no need. His dad died and he never met him.

What questions though?
I can't think of a single question that I would need to ask my father.
The only time I've ever thought of anything was when pregnant and they ask for family medical history.
I don't know if your husband feels the same, but he's just a man - like the man I just walked passed on the street. He is nothing to me, I know people will say he made me (physically) but that's it.
He's not my family, he's not my friend and if he ever got in touch, I would not want to meet him.

I don't think I'd be interested in a man that had just walked away. Can't see he'd have anything of value to bring to your DH's life. Let sleeping dogs lie, OP.

I suppose to know whether he really did know about him or not?

Lots of these men do know though. Its not exactly uncommon. Absent fathers are sadly very very common.

Discovering who a biological parent is can be very disappointing. Not to mention the expectation of a relationship vs the reality of that relationship is going to be very different. I'm speaking as a person who didn't know their 'dad' aged 3-18. No disney ending over here.

If he doesn't have any unresolved feelings about the situation then I don't think it's strange at all. In fact, it avoids a significant amount of pain and upset.

OP, I would recommend that you don't push this with your DH unless he genuinely wants to do something.

I've never met my father and I have no desire to, I know how to contact him if I wanted to but it has never really bothered me. I was intrigued to know what he looked like and looked him up on Facebook once but that's it. I don't think it's unusual.

I was adopted but had contact with my father for a few early years. Honestly, wish he had never bothered with those years, his family are not mine and at this age I feel like it doesn't make a difference to me not/to have them in my life. Your DH has a dad already, but he also happens to have a sperm donor.

The only thing I would want to know would be medical history.

I have a feeling that my dad isn't my bio dad and I think I know who it might be. However I'm not curious to find out the truth because I wouldn't want anything to affect how I my siblings and I feel about each other. I would hate to find out we're half siblings.

But the 2 men in question are dead now as is my mother so that's that.

I've never met mine, I know nothing about him, I would hate to turn up on his doorstep and be rejected or cause upset.

Thanks for the replies. I suppose you just don't know how you'd feel and I'm obviously speculating as I'm not in that situation. I hope he (the sperm donor) does know and chose not to bother, rather than his mum having never told him though.

No I wouldn't push anything with him, its entirely up to him what he wants to do. Just we were talking about it last night and he said 'do you think I'm weird not wanting to know' and that if he turned up on the door step his only interest would be if he was rich and leaving him lots of money

My father apparently doesn't know I exist so I am slightly intrigued to know what his reaction would be but not enough to make efforts to contact him. I know he has never married or had any more children though.

I am his only child.

My oldest DC’s bio ended our relationship less than a week before he was born, it took 2 weeks before he turned up to see dc, been no contact since, although there has been birthday & Christmas contact with bio grandparent, they have always known where we are, DC has always known about bio/other Dad/family, the opportunity to make contact with them has always been there if he wanted too.

His bio grandparent did make contact a few years ago, they seemed to think that DC should be falling over themselves to get in contact & find “missing family” but that seems to have fizzled out. DC told me at the time that he has a Dad & really didn’t feel as if he’d missed out on anything.

Maybe your DP feels similar

@gin
I think he does yeah - he already has a dad, and he had a great childhood.
I hope his bio dad does know though, as really sad if she just didn't tell him and he has no idea.