Coping alone with a toddler and newborn, petrified!

[Bowejangles]

Hi!

So I have a 7 month old to my ex partner who I've recently split from due to his infidelity, this morning I found out I'm expecting another. Its very early days and although I don't want to get my hopes up just yet (I've miscarried before) I do know I want to keep the baby. This has come as a huge shock because we were being careful, I had no plans for more children until my 7month old was school age - at least.

I'm optimistic but VERY nervous!

Being pregnant changes nothing in terms of our relationship, I do not want him back, but do wonder how I'll cope on my own with two very young children and not a lot of family support?

I know its possible because people do it, but just how hard is it?

Im alone with 4 its hard but im sure your ex will help out? mine is absent so its alot harder.

Ok I have a 16 month age gap and DC2 is currently 10 weeks old.

I'm not going to lie, the last 10 weeks have been very hard. I'm not doing it on my own but DP works 6.5 days a week usually 10 hrs a day, so I might as well be half the time.

I feel like we have turned a corner this week, we have a bit of routine, I feel like I 'know' DC2 a bit better now and can guess what they are crying about a bit better. It suddenly feels dooable.

My advice would be online shopping, a sling, lots of stickers for the toddler and lots and lots of playgroups. Especially the ones that make you a coffee.

Don't worry when your toddler permanently looks like their world has ended for a week or so. They bounce back and suddenly think the new baby is their most favourite toy.

I hate to say it but it's actually easier when DP isn't around, the toddler doesn't care what time we eat, or that they are having fish fingers for the 3rd time that fortnight, or need 'child free time'.

As long as they go to bed fed, cosy and loved then very little else matters.

Ex will definitely help out but I'm considering moving north where living is much cheaper, at that point his hands on help will become difficult.

Relocating with me wouldn't be an option as he has other children nearby.

I'm in London currently and housing is extortionate as everybody knows, I work part time and will certainly struggle to afford the upgrade I need for my expanding family. Working full time to save would be extremely difficult too due to balancing the cost of childcare, alongside paying just over £1000 per month in rent.

The place I have at the minute is cramped as it is and there is only me and baby, there's no way I could have DC2 here for very long.

I remember the first two months being hellish with a newborn, and I had him here to help out daily back then.

Reassured to know it gets easier with two after 8-10 weeks though!

@Creeper8 you absolute trooper I have no idea how you manage but hats off to you. 4 is no walk in the park!

@pastabest thank you for the tips and reassurance! Ive already began wondering how DC1 will react to a new baby but I think it'll be lovely having two so close in age