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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Have you convinced your husband to work on marriage?

1 reply

Ladyluna63 · 27/08/2018 19:08

I'm devastated my husband has chosen to leave.

We've had our problems and recently I've questioned our relationship but when it comes to it I love him and want nothing more than out marriage to work.

We've been together for 8 years married for two. Dh suffers with anxiety and is currently on anti depressants for it. Previously we've been on again off again, it not unusual for him to end it and go home, then a few months down the line he gets back in touch and we get back together. Things were great so we married. Unfortunately I've made some rubbish life decisions since we got married. I took a job that was horrible, ruined my self esteem and made me really miserable. I left and took on a buisness with family in the hope of getting money behind us for a deposit, it's been super hard and a bumpy road. All of this has impacted on my relationship and caused a lot of anxiety for my husband. He's not been working for a while which also impacts on him and in the past it's broken down when he's not working.

We had a heart to heart, he told me I take o too much and our loves are chaotic. I agree with both of those things and whole heartedly regret both work moves. We agreed to work on it and move back to our home town, he was going back before me to find work and get some space. A week later he told me it's over. He loves me and always will but we always end up breaking up so what's the point, life is too chaotic and the last two years we've always been in extream situations. He needs to be alone and in control of his life.

I met with him and apologised for everything I've done wrong. Told him i want to work on it, I will give up the buisness and only work one job. That I think him working will make a massive difference as our relationship has always been better when he works and has less time over thinking things. He told me he doesn't want to work on it, as it will probably see us back where we are now. He's quite pessimistic and only sees the bad times.

I asked him to think about everything. I've given him space. We still speak and he always ask about my family etc and what I'm doing even though it's only been a week and a half. I asked him if he has been thinking about what I said and he said a bit.

I can't help but feel this isn't what divorce looks like and it's just another anxiety related issue. He keeps saying he will organise to collect his stuff but hasn't.

Has anyone managed to work through similar problems? I know it's a long shot but I just can't accept this is it. I know I've made rubbish decisions but marriages end over cheating and fighting not hard times surely?

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 27/08/2018 19:19

OP - this sounds so disfuctional. And the sooner both of you move on - the better. Really.
Marriages break up for lots of reasons. Not being able to navigate normal life stages - like job changes - is one of them.
Please don’t think it’s your fault - janginn jobs, etc shouldn’t normally lead to H moving out.
The issues are deeper, and most likely - in his end.

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