Ex keeps threatening to split with gf and upsetting kids

[treehuggerlover95]

Ex has been with his gf 6 years or thereabouts and lives with her. They have 7 kids between them. My (our) dc are 11 and 9. DC have told me that on about 4 occasions in the past year or 2 their dad and gf have been splitting up. They've been told to pack their things as they are leaving. Then it all calms down again and normal service resumes but it's leaving the kids really anxious that if they split they'll have nowhere to go to see their dad and won't see the other kids again. His relationship is his business and nothing to do with me but how can I support the kids? I don't like how they are privy to lots of arguments and threats to split up. I'm NC with their dad due to DV and are in the middle of an acrimonious divorce.

What a horrible situation for your children to be in. It's outrageous that he deems it appropriate for them to be exposed to this.

As you are NC with him I suggest the best way forward is to continually reassure your DC that no matter what happens with their dad and his GF that they will still be able to maintain contact/a relationship with him (but perhaps not stay over with him initially - depending on his circumstances) if they ever were to break up.

I'd think about getting some support for the dc, family counselling or something?

I feel your pain treehugger My ex moved on immediately after we split and his new gf was pregnant and they were engaged less than a year later, before we even divorced in fact! That was 5 yrs ago now and they married 2 yrs ago. Immediately after the marriage he was saying they were breaking up, it happened about every other month, he was going to kick her and her 4 children out... it finally ended late last year. My second DD suffered with awful anxiety in the immediate aftermath, and now my oldest DD is suffering with anxiety as he has a new gf that is constantly there and she feels pushed out.

I don't have any great advice tbh. All you can do is reassure the children that you are a constant (and keep showing it I guess). I made sure all their usual boundaries stayed in place, even though I want to go easy on them while they're clearly already struggling. And keep reassuring them that they will be able to see their dad whatever happens, even if there are some changes along the way. I think realistic is always good for children, no point in saying it will all be fine.

I really feel for you and your children, you always want to protect them, but can't really protect them from their own fathers' bad choices and indifference to their emotions. Very selfish fathers!

I don't know if this is feasible or indeed wise, but I'll just chuck it in the pot anyway. Thinking if you have any sort of contact or relationship with the gf, you might be able to speak to her and reassure the dc that they will be able to continue seeing the other children, if it all goes pear shaped. They've had your ex in their lives for several years now, and it would no doubt be a comfort to them all to think that their friendships could continue.

@Singlenotsingle unfortunately she is hellbent on alienating them from me, tells them ridiculous lies about me and is the one telling them things like "your dad has just phoned me to say he's leaving me." She once threatened to stab me so have never actually met her.
Thankfully home is a very stable and predictable environment for them so they are settled and happy here.

A record is being kept of all these incidents as I do worry how appropriate it is to be exposed to his gf and such an unstable environment. It's causing them a lot of worry.