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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

I'm a confused mess

14 replies

amy85 · 27/08/2018 11:11

So met a guy on old about 10 months ago...we've never officially had a chat about what we are but I thought it was going well and we both had made comments that there was no other competition and neither of us were having anymore first dates etc...I thought he really liked me...and I stupidly started to really like him...
For the past few weeks he's become more distant with me, I know he's been having a crap time at work so out it down to that...but wasn't completely sure...so last night after a bottle of wine I logged back into old for the first time in a long time as I wanted to see if he had been active recently...and low and behold he had been logged in that day...
I don't know how to feel...I suppose we never properly had the talk about being bf/gf or being exclusive so maybe I shouldn't be annoyed...but I'm crushed...
Sorry if the above turned into a ramble I'm just a bit of mess ATM with this and other things going on

OP posts:
DolorestheNewt · 27/08/2018 11:14

It's fine to feel crushed about it, OP. You're disappointed. Flowers

Can you set up a nice Bank Holiday Monday for yourself (assuming you don't have plans already)? Cake, wine, a box set, meeting up with a friend, a long walk, whatever your cup of tea is? Sorry if that sounds like a trite response, but disappointment usually just needs a bit of time to feel better.

Do you need to talk about what else is going on?

MMmomDD · 27/08/2018 11:17

OP - you sound a bit OTT with the ‘I am crushed’ comment....

After 10mo of dating - you shoud be at a place where you can talk about things like that, rather than stalking each other on OLD websites and making inferences.
And if you can’t talk about that - then it’s not a relationship then, is it?

Don’t assume, don’t look online - use words.

Original poster
amy85 · 27/08/2018 11:27

I know I should talk to him...I just get do scared talking about my feelings and letting people in...
My last and only relationship was extremely crappy, so I'm never sure how to act...

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 27/08/2018 11:33

You don’t need to talk about your feelings - you can just say - wanted to check in where we are - and how things are going, and as we never discussed it - are we exclusive, etc

If any relationship is to work out for you - you’ll need to start communicating, and leaving your comfort zone too

Talith · 27/08/2018 11:36

I agree be direct. When my partner and me decided to go exclusive after 6 months or so we both deleted our profiles on all the dating sites. Suggest you do this, and if he's reluctant then you have your answer.

Original poster
amy85 · 27/08/2018 11:40

MMmomDD I know you're completely right!!! I'm just scared I guess that I've allowed myself to like him and he might not see me the same way

OP posts:
MMmomDD · 27/08/2018 11:45

OP - take a breath.
You are totally overreacting and jumping to conclusions based on no information, really.
You have no idea why he was on.
Maybe boredom, maybe curiosity. Maybe he was feeling down and insecure and wanted to check on YOU....

Every relationship is an unknown. And has a potential to hurt at some point. No way around it.
So - take a breath. And talk to him.

twilightsaga · 27/08/2018 12:03

Maybe he also logged in to see if you were back on there? Not necessarily to date again

userxx · 27/08/2018 12:15

I'd say go with your gut feeling. Call him today and speak to him, you'll know one way or the other then.

userofthiswebsite · 27/08/2018 12:22

After 10 months, I'd completely and utterly assume we were a couple even if it had not been specifically specified.

I completely understand why you're upset and do not think you're being OTT in the slightest.

I think you're going to have to broach the subject.

Original poster
amy85 · 27/08/2018 12:29

I know I'm probably overreacting a tad....my head's a bit of a mess ATM which probably isn't helping....my gut usually thinks the worst....I always assume the worst...he was back on there this morning...my accounts deactivated...logged in with an old account...I probably sound like a right weirdo

OP posts:
twilightsaga · 27/08/2018 13:01

Usually when people go distant there's a reason so that coupled with him logging back in I would have a conversation with him. Don't waste your time with him when he's looking for something else while he keeps you there in the background

userxx · 27/08/2018 13:02

Just speak to him and put yourself out of misery. I'd also assume after 10 months you'd be exclusive and him logging back onto the site doesn't look good does it.

Original poster
amy85 · 27/08/2018 13:19

Thanks everyone....I'm seeing him tomorrow evening...but might try and talk to him later about it

OP posts:
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