How to move on when pregnant and we have 2 kids

[Azadewow]

I have posted on another thread the whole story, and everyone pointed out how toxic the relationship was and I should focus on our children.

I realise this but have no idea how to go about moving on. I have realised I don't love him anymore like I used to, and I wouldn't really want to be back with him.

But I still can't cope with the fact he has a new gf, whom he says to everyone he loves. I bump into him all the time in our small town, often when he is out with her. And I get angry and sad and jealous, seeing them all happy and carefree, while I struggle and suffer emotionally while taking care of 2 toddlers while pregnant.

I keep obsessing about them all day, thinking of what he might be saying to her, what they are doing,, whether he thinks of me and the kids...

In the meantime he has pretty much abandoned our kids. Barely seeing them, usually after I nag him to do it or when we bump into him in the town. Eldest DD is 3 and everytime we walk around town she calls out daddy daddy and looks around for him. It's almost as if she knows that's the only times she will see him. And then when he leaves after 5 mins she gets so upset and cries about her daddy. It breaks my heart to see her like that.

I have tried going low contact and I would be fine for a week and then I will bump into him and I am a mess again. And then I start bombarding him with msgs and calls to come see us. He has been awful to me for a long time but I still miss the guy I fell for, I miss the family times and all the good times.

And then I do stupid things, like sleeping with him last week when he said he still loves me and that he is only with her so he isn't alone, but he loves her.. Lots of contradictions there. I confronted him about it in front of her and he denied it all, and the laughed in my face as if I was delusional...

I am on antidepressants but with being pregnant they don't seem to be helping me enough. I am so emotional and angry and bitter, and keep feeling like a child who will be naughty just to get attention from their b parents. And yes I crave his attention, how pathetic is that?!

I just want to move on, to stop feeling such an emotional wreck, to stop dreading leaving the house in case I bump into them.

Any advice?

No wonder you are feeling low!

First thing is to stop pleading for contact. Send him an email saying that if he wishes to see his children, he can collect them at (specific time) each week, and to message you the night before, so you can have them ready. That gets him out of your house. And then don’t contact him again.

Second, have you thought about moving? It will always be difficult if you keep walking into him, and very distressing for your dd. You’re just reopening wounds for her and you. Can you move to the next town, so you can start to build a new life without constant reminders, yet be close enough for him to have access to his Dcs?
You need some support. Do you have family you could stay with for a while. Is your mum around to help with the dcs while you get yourself together? A few weeks change of scene would help a lot.
Finally, you have the chance to spend some real quality time with your dcs before the new baby arrives. Choose a list of places to take them over the rest of the summer. Make a big fuss about picnics and adventures and show them how much you love them. Being upset is distressing them too, your mood is frightening them, so hard as it is, you need to summon some strength from somewhere and give them back their positive happy mum. Being upset needs to wait for when they are asleep.
It’s really hard, I know.

Is he paying child support? If not get that sorted out.

Stop contacting him. A man who abandons his children is better off out of their lives altogether.

Be either has regular visitation or leaves it. Otherwise it's simply causing more damage to your DD and those memories will stay with her through life.

Are his parents around? Do you have a relationship with them? If so could you contact them (in writing) and see if they talk to him about having a relationship with his children and the impact on DD....which is truly heartbreaking. He can end the relationship with you, but not his DC.

Really he should be man enough to do this anyway.

At least you can show your DC you tried to have him in their lives and he can't accuse you of denying access.

Op think about it this way, they are a perfect match. A woman who is absolutely fine with being with a man who deserts his pregnant partner and children deserves him.
Its tough more so because you keep bumping into them. Just try keep strong and remember that you are better than him. X

Time is really the only thing that will help. Sorry :(

Unfortunately my mum lives in Greece, so can't help much, she is coming in December to help when I have my c section. I am currently waiting to hear back from universal credit to see if I am eligible, as I am an EU citizen, who has lived here for 5-6 years. So taking the kids out is a struggle as I barely manage my rent, electric and groceries. I haven't lived in Greece in over 10 years now so it's not like I can go back easily. His family, are not much better than him. His mum I may occasionally bump in town, other than that we haven't had an actual arranged visit in years. His sister and bf gang on me with bullying cause they believe the lies my ex says about me, like how I stop him from seeing the kids or how I got him fired from work by having an argument with him at the back of his store (I am sure the fact that his new gf is a 17 year old coworker and he was her boss is not grounds for dismissal by a company who puts high value on public image...).

I have contacted csa to get an attachment of earnings as it was wearing me out having arguments with him about giving me maintenance and how much. Unfortunately in the meantime he got fired so soon enough I won't get anything from him anymore.

I should say he is 35 to his gfs 17 years old... Can't help comparing myself to her, all my flappy bits, shaggy boobs stretch marks and the mummy tummy to her perfect young body. I feel so worthless and like nobody will want me again, with my post babies body and 3 kids, while he has a happy worry free life