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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Feeling so sad

5 replies

Jaffacakes74 · 27/08/2018 01:37

Hi all, bit of a long story, I apologize in advance. I have been married 10 years and I have a son who is marvelous. I was diagnosed with cancer early last year and have been through the whole treatment of an operation, chemo, radio therapy and hormone therapy. I have also had two other operations for a severe chronic condition in the past 4 years. My cancer was only discovered after my husband forced me to go for testing (I had no symptoms) and he came with me to each of the 16 chemo session. I have finally finished my treatment only to be confronted by a husband who now just wants to go out and have fun, just not with me! I am left at home to do homework and the Home stuff while he goes for weekends away ( sometimes with people he hardly knows) and is busy spending the money in our joint account, now has a code on his phone and acts helpless and broken then aggressive and unkind towards me. We have been going to conselling for months, but I now feel this is a waste of time and effort as we no longer seem able to communicate. I feel so sad as surely this should be the time to rebuild our lives and thrive, but instead we are bogged down with these pointless issues. We live in a foreign country which doesn’t help matter. My husband wanted to move out until he discovered this is called abandonment under the local law and would jeopardize his share of the house! Am so down about this sorry State of affairs, do you have any advice?

OP posts:
MistressDeeCee · 27/08/2018 03:47

Can you move back home? Your H has checked out of your marriage. You've been thru the mill and he is not there for you - he's not your friend, and he is unkind. You don't need him or this stress. Have you sought legal advice?

whynot93 · 27/08/2018 07:04

Wow h s not being very kind is he! I agree with the previous poster your husband has checked out of the marriage and is clearly having a bit too much fun somewhere else. It's time to think logically about assets and protecting what's left before he blows it all. I wouldn't let in just yet as you mentioned he goes hot and cold but seek legal advice - no harm in it, knowledge is power.

Jaffacakes74 · 27/08/2018 08:36

I am in the process of seeking advice, I completely agree, knowledge is power. I will not be able to return home with my son without his consent and he has already told me ‘of a friend who stopped his wife returning to the uk via the court’ so I don’t believe he will be considerate of my needs. I also spent 6 years at home looking after our son while he was traveling for work and as such I don’t earn nearly as much as him. I am trying to keep my head but feel so gutted.

OP posts:
whynot93 · 27/08/2018 10:04

A lot would depend where you are in the world. Surely if he's checked out anyway it matters not where you and your son are! Don't be beaten down by him, all too often the wife is left high and dry whilst the man lives it up.. I've lived and apart from my husband who was overseas and get how that is difficult, it's certainly commonplace as I've first hand experience of this sort of behaviour myself. Not nice at all being discarded by your partner. Big hugs x

Jaffacakes74 · 27/08/2018 17:09

I am in France and as we have lived here for 12 years, we fall under french jurisdiction. Thanks for the advice, I appreciate it.

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