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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Am i overthinking? [possible trigger ]

6 replies

newname43 · 26/08/2018 21:03

I met a lovely man 2 years ago, got on well, just started with talking about the coming election etc, just chit chat really,
I often saw him in passing walking his dog,i also have a dog, so went walking together
Several weeks later he showed more interest, and we started seeing each other daily at arranged times, never saw a woman around, and he said he was seperated,we dont live far from each other and he said he would tell me one day what went wrong with his marriage, but could i keep a secret, didnt think anything about it at the time, but then he one day said , did i think relationship between a 60 year old man and a 16 year old girl could work, ,of course i was horrified and said no, because we had been talking about age differences in couples
We are both over 60 by the way
I didnt see the red flags then i had already fallen for him,
He often told me how generous he was and people took advantage because of it
I found out it wasnt the case when Christmas came and he didnt even get me a card,so not generous at all
Another thing that was strange and i asked him if he was on a curfew or something, only joking really, he didnt answer,is i only really saw him for about an hour at a time

I know i should have seen more red flags now but didnt take everything in at the time, , then one day i saw him in his car,instead of stopping and talking to me through the window as usual,he jumped out and stood with his back against the back window,he said he was going shopping,i now think he was hiding someone,

He told me he loved the fact i was so small,
Then there were gaps of him not contacting me for a couple of weeks, at a time,now i have discovered he is not seperated but his wife was away looking after their daughter,
I know you must all think i am stupid, not seeing signs, but i had been to his house several times, and no sign of a woman
I have of course finished with him and feel sorry for his wife,but also wondering if he is also a paedophile,
I just feel used maybe to fill his perverted thought of someone or something else
Whe people meet him they see a lovely man who really bigs himself up and i feel i was groomed just like a child would be
Am i being paranoid, could he be a narccisist,got very angry when i accused him of lying ,says he never does
When i found out about his wife he said he didnt care about her, and its her own fault he was having an affair as she was too controlling and he had no sex life for years
So sorry its so long, lots of other things too really,
We started a realationship, he was full of compliments

OP posts:
newname43 · 26/08/2018 21:08

Sorry the last sentence should have been at the beginning, computer playing up
I should say since i told him he thought a lot about himself and always saying what a lovely man he is ,he stopped that,i think he knew i had seen through that

OP posts:
Kittykat93 · 26/08/2018 21:19

So op what are you asking? Are you wanting advice or just to voice your thoughts? I think that there's something extremely off about that man, and if I were you I would be cutting all contact and moving on with my life. Sorry if I've missed it but have you stopped seeing him now?

newname43 · 26/08/2018 22:11

Yes i have stopped seeing him, just wondered if anyone thought i was being paranoid about the things i am thinking ,
Am i overthinking and putting 2 and 2 together and coming up with 5, the strange comments about me being small and he likes small women, plus the comment about age gap between 16 and 60, also he was really lovely to begin with, and suddenly the texts and contact stopped for no apparent reason, then he would turn up as if i had seen him the day before, and the apparent [to me] acting out of character when he seemed to be shielding the car window,and seemed flustered,
I should say this was outside his house,
The thing is,i know how cunning he can be now, he doesnt exactly lie, but tells half truths, and his explanation changed 3 times, about where he was going,
It sounds a bit crazy, and i was getting so stressed with the no contact, then he would turn up and no contact again for a couple of weeks,i had to finish it, and thinking about his comments about me being small and loved small women,
The comment about the 16 year old i am assuming now he meant himself,and it sickens me,
He also said things like me having a ride in his new car, which he knows very well i didnt, that sort of thing
Really just wanted others opinions

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 26/08/2018 22:13

Look, you're old enough to know better. This guy is weird and he's a creep. Why on earth would you even say hello to him again?

Babymamamama · 26/08/2018 22:14

Just stay well away.

newname43 · 26/08/2018 22:38

I am definitely keeping away, the "can you keep a secret" made me start thinking, but only after not seeing him for a while and having time to go over everything in my own time, but it didnt click at first ,as it seemed to be connected to the reason his marriage, was supposed to have failed
I still miss the person i thought he was, but have come to my senses

OP posts:
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