I have been in a relationship with a great man for over 5 years, he’s wonderful with my 2 kids and I love him very much. Last year he was diagnosed with depression, I believe issues relation to his mother which are complex and involve her leaving the family when he was teenage to move abroad. She lives local now but their relationship is strained and he’s currently very low contact with her, I don’t think he’s got over or forgiven her. He will not speak about her and refuses to accept he is affected by her abandonment.
Our relationship had suffered up to that point as he was clearly unhappy. He got help and took time off work and I supported him through it. As he got better I started to feel unhappy as work was difficult and I had some other issues that he wasn’t great in supporting me though. In his defence he’s always said he isn’t good with emotions and unfortunately the more wasn’t able to help, the more resentful I got. This spiralled downwards and we have split briefly twice this year. We went on holiday in June but a petty row on the last day resulted in us not really speaking for a few weeeks, and the distance between us has widened. Communication is difficult as he can be defensive and I get emotional, it’s hard to resolve issues.
We spoke last night and I apologised, taking full responsibility for my part in letting the situation get so out of hand. I honestly thought that with a good honest and open conversational could draw a line under the last year and move forward. He said he loves me but can’t face another break up. I was distraught, but he’s resolute. He will not consider a reconciliation as doesn’t want to face the emotional turmoil of a potential future break up. He admitted he cannot cope with emotional issues at all. He left, incredibly upset but saying the balance has tipped and he can’t be with me anymore. I’m beside myself with shock, grief, despair, and I’m absolutely gutted that this could have been avoided if I’d been more present this year. I know I distanced myself too much as I felt he was moody and detached from me. Im sick at the time wasted. I know he still loves me, it seems the most terrible waste. He’s turned his phone off and I know that’s it now, he’s very black and white in his thinking. Please help me get through the next few days, I literally feel like I’m in shock and can’t eat, sleep or think straight. I know they say time heals but how on earth do I forgive myself for messing things up with such a good man. I just can’t live with myself. Please tell me I will be ok!