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Original poster

boyfriend used debit card without permission

53 replies

sabrina1234 · 25/08/2018 20:51

So my boyfriend has my debit card details and I have let him use it in the past when he is struggling e.g. when he has no money for food or just for him to order me things. Sometimes he uses it for small things like when he didnt have a ride from the hospital to home so he used it for a uber without telling me which was fine as he had a concussion and wasnt able to drive home anyway. but recently i was trying to buy something for myself online that only cost £6.00 and wasnt able to and was confused as to why. so i checked my account and i had been paid £50.00 from work on friday and found out that he spent that money without telling me on 2 shirts that cost £50.00 altogether. I was upset by this as alot of the time i have to spend my money when he takes me out to places and wehenever we go out to eat. his birthday is in 2 weeks so that money was supposed to be spent on that. he has spent alot on me which i always tell him not to as he is broke himself just as much as me and he says he does it because he wants to. but i just find it stupid to put yourself in more debt and just because he does that doesnt mean that i have to aswell. then he complains that i never do anything for him or take him out but whenever he takes me out or suggests to go somehwehre it is mainly me paying anyway?!. I have already taken so much money out of my savings because of it and it im just hurt that he already knows im broke and didnt even ask me before purchasing these things on my card, fair enough if it wasnt that much money but he literarily spent my paychek.i cant even work that much as i do full time hours of placement at the hospital every week along with university exams and assignments so rarely have time to work amongst it all. i feel bad for confronting him about it because he always buys me things and isnt afraid to spend money on me ven if hes in debt but i just feel like he should have at least considered my situation and all the other stress i already have with everything going on in my life, i just dont know how to approach him with it

OP posts:
inshockrightnow · 26/08/2018 07:37

What a sly dog. Obviously didn't mention it so you may not notice and he doesn't have to pay you back. Get rid , you are way too good for him.

TooTrueToBeGood · 26/08/2018 07:39

Of course it's theft. On top of that, he either knows himself it was theft or has so little respect for you and your rights that he doesn't see it as such. Either way, get rid. You deserve better than a partner who either steals from you or affords you absolutely zero respect and consideration. Final point, giving out your PIN to anyone is against your bank's terms of service. If your card ever gets cloned/stolen or your online account gets hacked they could refuse to refund you on the grounds that you do not keep your security details private.

Catlady35 · 26/08/2018 07:39

This will never get better, get rid of him. My dh has never stolen from me, but he is a reckless spender. We have never felt financially comfortable, even when we were both working full time. He just feels like he has the right to spend every penny in the joint account, which means that I have to hide money to make sure we can buy food at the end of the month.
Don’t put yourself through years of this, it’s exhausting! Get out now while it’s easy.

throwawayagain · 26/08/2018 07:59

Fuck that OP!
Relationships are founded on respect and consideration.
He's a completely selfish and entitled twat! He isn't going to get a birthday present now, is he? He's already taken the last of your money to treat himself, with no consideration for your priorities whatsoever.

FWIW, my DP knows my pin, and he has used my card when I have requested it. He has never ONCE used it without my prior knowledge, and if he did, we would no longer be together.

You are worth so much more than this idiot.

Aussiebean · 26/08/2018 08:16

I watched a judge Judy episode yesterday about a girl who had similar situation.

Basically he had her pin because she asked him to get some money out which he did. He remembered the pin and spent her money without permission.

Girl caught him, he promised to pay her back and they continued. He did it again!!! Again apologised and promised to pay it back. They continue, he didn’t and they broke up. So she took him to court.

Judge Judy basically said the fact that the girl thought they were in love , wanted to marry him and continued the relationship meant she forgave the theft and she had no case.

What she should have done was reaslised that he was a thief the first time around, changed the pin and gone to the police. Not forgive something so wrong. Because once a thief, always a thief.

I love judge Judy.

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 26/08/2018 08:20

Absolutely dump him. I had a 'BF' that did this, once , for a can of beer, and it pushed my business account into the red, and I got massive charges. Ignorant idiot. Honestly you don't need these kind of men in your life.

RiotAndAlarum · 26/08/2018 08:20

You can't afford this boyfriend. He spends a bit of his own money on you in order to be able to claim use of your money for his Über, his clothes, his days and nights out (which you wouldn't pay for or need if it weren't for him). If he can spend your entire paycheque before you have a chance to realise it, he is living beyond your means and you're earning too little to be passive about this!

@mumonashoestring I also loved "financial sense of a lentil"!!

Gaspodethetalkingdog · 26/08/2018 08:21

Cancel the card and don’t let him near the new one.

Find a better boyfriend - one who can pay for himself

FourFriedChickensDryWhiteToast · 26/08/2018 08:22

and who spends that kind of (somebody else's) money on a couple of shirts?
He should go to the charity shop like the rest of us have to. FFS.

Twolittlebears · 26/08/2018 08:25

If my husband and father of dc did this to me I'd be furious. Get a new card asap. Don't give him the details and consider ltb. Clearly he is terrible with money and that's a big red flag. So sorry you have to do this. Flowers

ElspethFlashman · 26/08/2018 08:25

You sound like you're trying to justify being upset, as if you're afraid people will think you're being mean or tight with money.

LOL, he's a thieving manipulative arse hole. He knows full well how skint you are, he just doesn't give a shit. Get rid. And change your Pin pronto.

Neolara · 26/08/2018 08:27

At the very least you need to change your pin ASAP. I don't think it would be considered theft by the bank as you previously told your bf your pin.

But obvious, morally, it is theft.

WrongKindOfFace · 26/08/2018 08:29

He stole from you. Dump him.

I would report him for the theft. But at the very least report the card lost to the bank so can issue a new card. And change your pin.

JiltedJohnsJulie · 26/08/2018 08:32

Is there a reason that you want to continue the relationship? How do you see this going long term? Do you think he’d make a good husband and a Father?

MrsMozart · 26/08/2018 08:33

I agree with PP.

Cancel the card and the boyfriend.

eddielizzard · 26/08/2018 08:38

He'll whine you into blowing all your savings on him, carry on spending on your card and this will be your life. No savings. No financial security. Just a 3 year old in a man's body saying 'but I WANT THAT!''.

There is no recourse. Change the pin, tot up all he owes you, present him with the bill and end the relationship.

You didn't ask him to spend anything on you so his argument is rubbish.

silkpyjamasallday · 26/08/2018 08:39

Dump him. He has zero respect for you, he is just using you. My late MIL had similar with FIL before she broke up with him, he bought her a Rolex for her birthday - with her money! She returned it sharpish and divorced him soon after.

OP you deserve so so much better, dump this prick and work on your self esteem so you can identify these arse holes are using you before you're in too deep. You are clearly a lovely, generous person, next time be with someone similar who won't steal from you and will enrich your life rather than milking you for every penny.

bellinisurge · 26/08/2018 08:41

Dump the thief.

Fluffycloudland77 · 26/08/2018 08:56

Dump him, he's a cockloding thief.

keefthebeef · 26/08/2018 08:56

This is a cheap way to learn he’s a thief and a loser.

YeTalkShiteHen · 26/08/2018 08:58

Cancel your card, get a new one and don’t give him the details.

He stole your wages, all of your wages. That’s a disgraceful and disrespectful thing to do.

DP and I have each other’s card details, but we wouldn’t use the other's card without checking first.

FinallyHere · 26/08/2018 09:01

What are you doing with this man-child with the financial sense of a lentil?

Change the PIN on your card and get rid of him: your life is going to get a lot better once you do those two things.

LongWalkShortPlank · 26/08/2018 09:07

I've had this boyfriend. I bet he drops hints for stuff all the time and you oblige because you care about him. He had no care for how much was in your account. Just wanted the shirts. Ask for the shirts and either you or he return them, if possible. Change your pin. Get out of there before you have nothing left

Creeper8 · 26/08/2018 14:10

I had an ex do this. He asked for my card to buy some stuff online. It was only cheap stuff so I said yes. He saved my details and we broke up and he continued to use my card to buy things. Worst is I didnt actually notice as I really checked my bank statements. He told me about 6 months later when we spoke again. I think at some point In those 6 months I lost my card and ordered a new one which put a stop to it.

bangourvillagebesttimeever · 26/08/2018 18:05

It’s stealing. My friend dated a man that did this. Always skint, always asking for money, moved in with her and never had money to pay for anything. She ended up paying for his car and bills and then he would take her card and take money without asking or take more than she agreed to. The best bit was him claiming her car had been cloned hence money was stolen from it! Needless to say they are no longer together.... he has no respect for you and why you are allowing him free access to your account beggars belief tbh.

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