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Original poster

Why do some men just want to sext?

26 replies

OrangePony · 25/08/2018 15:29

Anyone else come across this? I have an ex who will occasionally get in touch, text for a while and invariably try to get onto sexting.

He doesn’t seem to want to meet up - will say he is busy or arrange to meet then cancel - he just seems to like sexting/texting.

I can’t think what he gets out of it?! I mean, what is the point? Why do men do this? Why don’t they just watch porn or something instead? Any ideas?

OP posts:
Gojira · 25/08/2018 15:33

Boosting his ego

PinkHeart5914 · 25/08/2018 15:34

Just an ego boost!

sourpatchkid · 25/08/2018 15:34

I assume he has a partner or else just wants a wank in the moment.

But why are you letting him? It doesn't sound like you want to.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 25/08/2018 15:39

It's just an ego boost.

Some people like sexting. Personally, I prefer the real thing.

Original poster
OrangePony · 25/08/2018 15:41

Sourpatchkid I think I used to assume he wanted to get back together because I couldn’t fathom why he would get in touch otherwise. Never even occurred to me that it was just to boost his ego - I don’t know any women who would behave like that! God what is wrong with men?!

It’s cruel really to lead someone on into thinking you are interested in them if all you want is them to text/sext you. God there are pay by the minute phone lines dedicated for that...

OP posts:
WasFatNowThin · 25/08/2018 15:41

I get this too, I don't get it, it doesn't do anything for me.

Original poster
OrangePony · 25/08/2018 15:44

WasFatNowThin I don’t get it either. I can’t see what men get out of it - I would have thought watching porn would be more titivating.

OP posts:
HoundOfTheBasketballs · 25/08/2018 15:50

I had an ex like this. He made a massive thing about wanting us to stay in touch and stay friends when we broke up.
After a couple of months of him only ever texting me late at night, obviously wanting to talk dirty and for me to send him nudes, and never wanting to do anything real friends do, like meeting up for a coffee, I called him out on it and then blocked his number.
Some men are such dicks.
He'd even met someone else and was still doing it. Obviously keeping me on the back burner in case things didn't work out with her.
I periodically see him out and about and just think, twat.

RatRolyPoly · 25/08/2018 16:06

The thing with porn is it isn't the same power trip as getting an actual woman to perform for your amusement.

Thinkingofausername1 · 25/08/2018 16:07

This is why I fear for my dd when she grows up and starts dating. The world has changed so much when it Comes to relationships and dating. I'd just ignore him because he isn't interested in you as a person if he only wants to sext. I'm slightly old fashioned when it comes to this type of thing!

Original poster
OrangePony · 25/08/2018 16:14

HoundOfTheBasketballs Yes mine has tried over the course of many years - whilst single/attached/married/divorced.

I had always wanted to at least stay friends with him but you’re right - if they don’t want to do anything that friends do like meet up for coffee, what is the point? Maybe I should just block him too.

OP posts:
SparklyMagpie · 25/08/2018 16:15

Block him

Original poster
OrangePony · 25/08/2018 16:16

The thing with porn is it isn't the same power trip as getting an actual woman to perform for your amusement.

Urgh this made me shiver. He’s gross isn’t he?

OP posts:
lola212121 · 25/08/2018 16:48

So is a man who loves sexting a red flag ?

Beaverhausen · 25/08/2018 16:50

Could be married.

ItIsOkItIsASecret · 25/08/2018 16:57

It’s cruel really to lead someone on into thinking you are interested in them if all you want is them to text/sext you.

I think women who fall for it are daft, tbh. I know a man who does this. I never engage, I never have done. He still tries it occasionally though.

God there are pay by the minute phone lines dedicated for that...

Pay by the minute phone lines are not free...

So is a man who loves sexting a red flag ?

Not if he is your partner/boyfriend and it's a small part of a whole relationship or a FWB/FB and it's part of the deal.

However, it is if the only time he contacts you is when he wants to sext and it's all he wants to do.

VeetTheFockers · 25/08/2018 18:31

Itisok- but are the women who fall for it daft if the man has said he loves her and has been meeting her etc. The women who fall for it in these circumstances are not daft, just hopeful of more...

VeetTheFockers · 25/08/2018 18:33

Then the meetings stop and setting type stuff continues without anything else..

ItIsOkItIsASecret · 25/08/2018 18:40

*but are the women who fall for it daft if the man has said he loves her and has been meeting her etc. The women who fall for it in these circumstances are not daft, just hopeful of more..."

I'm no expert but 'hoping' is the issue here. What's the context? Been seeing each other a couple of weeks? Dating for 6 months?

Then the meetings stop and setting type stuff continues without anything else..

Er... yes... Confused

If he said he loved her early on and kept moving the conversation onto sexting, then the meetings stopped, he didn't love her.

Far too many women are so desperate to be be loved that they will accept any shit from any man as long as he's said he loves her!

Original poster
OrangePony · 25/08/2018 18:48

Yes there’s a difference between someone you meet online who is straight in with the sexting (obviously you are daft if you think that’s going to turn into anything). Then you get the men who almost “groom” you by saying how much they like you, going on dates at the beginning, acting like they are mad about you and then gradually stopping all that and just sexting - saying they are too busy to meet, etc. Then the woman isn’t being daft (up to a point), the man is just being a bad human being.

OP posts:
ItIsOkItIsASecret · 25/08/2018 18:52

acting like they are mad about you and then gradually stopping all that and just sexting - saying they are too busy to meet

Huge red flags though.

What sort of time frame are we talking about?

3 or 4 months - fair enough

3 or 4 weeks - daft

Branleuse · 25/08/2018 19:10

its just something to wank over. Unless youre also finding it titillating, then no point

enoughisenough2 · 25/08/2018 19:13

I agree with @Thinkingofausername1 I fear for my dd5’s future relationship wise. Scary

Ragwort · 25/08/2018 19:24

I've never been 'sexted' in my life, thank goodness, but surely if it happens just once (and you are not into that sort of thing) you just block immediately. Why would you continue the friendship ? I can't understand any scenario where you would think it was acceptable to stay in a friendship with someone who wants to 'sext' you - Confused.

(obviously I don't mean relationships where both of you are into sexting).

Original poster
OrangePony · 25/08/2018 19:44

Ragwort It’s almost a given for a relationship these days, sadly. With my ex, I used to think years ago that he wanted to get back together - hence going along with it at the time thinking it was going somewhere. He continues to try it now, even though I am married.

OP posts: