Please someone give me reassurance

[ZoeSusan]

Hi Guys
^Basically, I wrote a thread the other day- as my ex was on his final chance to be civil in front of the children- he wanted to still do stuff together 'as a family' so Thursday evening I picked him up from work, took him fish and chips and we sat with the kids on the beach and ate tea. Then we went off to a local park to watch a show. While we were there he all of a sudden turned really angry and said I was pissing him off and he wanted to go. He then started calling me a fat ugly c**t in front of the children and also shouting. He has been given chance after chance to stop this behaviour in front of the children and he was warned after he apologised last time that this was his final chance. In my eyes he's blown it.
Yesterday I didn't hear from him at all and today he phoned to see if he could take the kids out. I said he could if he arranged for someone to come and collect them because I didn't want to see him. He said 'none of my family want anything to do with you' so I said, all they needed to do was collect the children, not have a conversation with me. This didn't happen. He then threatened me with the contact centre. About an hour ago he phoned me to see if he could come up for a coffee to see the kids. I said no because I don't want to see him. He said he doesn't particularly want to see me either. I thought about it, and because I felt like I was in the wrong- messaged him to say I will get the children ready in the pushchair and meet him outside with them if he wants to take them out. I have had no reply.
I don't know what to do. I don't want him sitting in my home as I don't think that is going to help me move on. I'm coming up with suggestions and they seem to be knocked back. Advice please anyone?^

You've tried how he wanted to do it and he verbally abused you in front of your children. You need to try to be strong and take a stand. Don't feel sorry for him. I think what you suggested around someone other than him collecting the kids was fair and reasonable. How can he threaten you with contact centre?

It would seem he's trying to manipulate you, not sure what your relationship was like or how it ended but don't let him do it to you now.

I'd also be mindful of how he'd be around the kids. If he'd say stuff like that to you in front of them, what would he say when you're not there?

Take care and be strong

Sweet Jesus! He has made it abundantly clear that the children are no more than tools to him that he can use to beat you with! You poor poor lady. It strikes me that this behaviour could be extremely damaging to the children and that contact should be limited to a time and place where he needs to be on best behaviour. You are exceptionally considerate, kind and measured to be enduring this to try and maintain his relationship with his children. I think that you should maybe start storing evidence of his outbursts - keep messages, witness reports, recordings etc. Hopefully you won’t need to use them, but it’ll give you a head start if you ever feel that enough is enough. Well done for making him your ex and stay strong x

Thank you to both of you for replying.

I should start off by saying- he was actually the one that left me. He moved out to live with his brother. He feels very bitter about this and says he hates me that I've ruined his life because he's not living with his children (I have to keep reminding him that it was his choice to leave- I didn't kick him out) .
I believe he done this to please his family. They do not get on with me because they felt hard done by that I spend more time with my mum than them, obviously resulting in my children spending more time with my family. I feel that this is only natural as I'm very close to my mum.
I was up until recently getting nasty drunken messages every weekend from his mum saying that her son is too good for me. I'm under no illusions that it's their fault our relationship come to blows.
I feel they are all very toxic and for a while I will admit I did stop my children from going to her house because I didn't want them around such ill feeling.
This has now been held against me and I may aswell be as bad as hitler in their eyes. I've tried to make amends and bury the hatchet but unfortunately they don't want to know.
I feel like I'm losing a battle and it's me against them. They've said that i will turn my children against me. I feel they are just vile.

Wow! I think it sounds like it would be best for everyone if you work out fixed days and times for him to see the children

I suggest you jump at his suggestion of using a contact centre. Sounds like a good idea. Also, don't chase him for contact. Let him make the effort.
Keep any messaging between you purely about the children. Arrange child support through CMS.
If you're married, start divorce proceedings.
Good riddance to the charming prick!