Fed up and being useless.

[RhodeRunner]

I want dh and I to split up.
Life is complicated, autistic ds who is Home educated, 3 other children with varying degrees of anxiety and possible autism.
I'm autistic too, and so knackered with it all and not being able to switch off that I'm going into shut down regularly (sort of like an internal meltdown).

Dh doesn't want to split up, he wants everything to be back how it was 10 years ago when things were easier.

The only way we can split is if he and ds1 move out and rent, or we sell up.
He won't do anything about splitting, it's up to me to sort it all, and right now I can barely organise myself to make a cup of tea, let alone splitting finances, work out how to find deposits, look into suitable houses, work out a budget etc.
Dh and ds1 (17) both work full time.

Dh is one of life's do-ers, he's always busy and doesn't understand why I can't just get on with it, when I'm so unhappy I'm paralysed by it all.

Is it the stress of life and lack of communication that makes you want to split? Or is he actually having a negative impact on your life? To want ds1 to move out too seems like the former, unless there is major back story.

It sounds more like you are so overworked, stressed and depressed that you can't think straight. Are you in contact with any ASD organisations? They can help in many many ways, from letting you vent to organising respite so you get a chance to breathe every now and again.

Perhaps a trip to go, not necessarily for meds, but to check other reasons why you exhausted now and can't think straight.

Try these before splitting if it is life that is getting you down, rather than him.

I think it's a mix of lots of things.
Ds1 and 2 can't be together as they constantly fight which leads to meltdowns, violence etc.
Dh isn't supportive at all when it comes to mental/emotional stuff, so things like working towards ds's ehcp, dd had a breakdown earlier this year, dh acted as if it was all very inconvenient.
My feelings towards him have changed and I feel anxious whenever he's around.
Our house is also far too small which is definitely a factor.

Apart from some post diagnostic sessions there aren't any asd supports here. I am with mental health services, but it needs me to ring up to have yet another phone interview, which I'm unable to do right now.