So tired of lies

[tiredoflies]

This is not the first time I'm posting here. I just can't deal with my husbands lies. I literally want to puke / die.

We are in a bad financial situation (we owe both my parents and his money) and our business requires huge sums of money.

I am working till 2am every night (business stuff) and am so so tired. My husband spun me a line about how he has to do a trip for our business which is critical. Anyway tonight I uncover it's actually a holiday he has planned with a friend of his. It's been planned since early this year for them to go do their hobby overseas. It would cost around 5k. I read all their texts about how he plans to deceive me.

I would love to take our children on holiday with that money or something. I was just saying how much I would have loved to take them away in October half term but we cannot afford to. This trip he planned is the week before that.

He would leave me running the business alone here with 4 young children (how I would manage I have no idea) and he would go off and do this.

I literally am sitting here wanting to vomit. How could someone be so deceptive and selfish. How can I be married to such a pig?

For context he has lied through our entire marriage including extensive sexual affairs with online chat women.

I have asked him to leave tonight and he has but he will be back gas lighting me telling me how I've misunderstood etc etc.

We have a young family and have tried to forgive and forget but this person will lie at every single opportunity. About the big and the small. Anything. Everything.

We run a business together so separating would be very hard. I just can't. The deception and the selfishness. I'm done. I can't have another day.

I also uncovered a business trip at start of the year was also for his hobby. That trip made no money for our company and now I see why. I want to be sick.

What an awful betrayal. I'm so sorry to read what this arsehole has done to you.

I'm going to sound Machiavellian here but is it possible to leverage his possible need to impress you/ get your forgiveness, and get him to sign over his portion of the business so that he is an employee only? And not a shareholder? I.e. take control of the company so that you can disburse funds and then shutter it.

That will clean up the divorce a bit...

I appreciate it might feel early to do such a thing... And don't do it without legal advice... But in my experience sometimes the early rage gives you enough energy to get ducks in a row rapidly and decisively.

Sending you love.
You are worth more than this treatment. I'm so sorry.

I'd be open and honest with both families about where the money owed is going whilst you're working until 2am and looking afterv4 kids. What an absolute wanker. I wouldn't spend another minute with him and I'm sure your family will support you.

Fuck him, you will be so much better without him, rise up and be strong, use all resources you have to get out of this

Wait till he gets out there, then cancel all his cards

Just when you think you've read everything on MN, another total fucker steps up to the plate and tops it.

I'm so very sorry. I'm livid and seething on your behalf. Goodness knows how you feel. How bloody dare he indulge himself like this.

You can't carry on like this. His behaviour is totally unacceptable. Be strong and use this to motivate yourself to leave him. I truly believe you will be happier.

Could you run the business alone?

I'm so utterly exhausted from being lied to. He spun this trip as critical to our business. It's just a jolly him and his mate are going on. He was sat next me texting him saying he's booking the tickets etc. I'd never dream of leaving him to run our business and kids and fuck off on a luxury break. The entitlement is eye watering.

I've been through worse lies from him though. Took years to get over but each time he lies again I'm right back there. I told him before it's over if he lies again like this and he has.

I don't understand how he thinks he can just lie and lie. Or why he thinks he deserves these luxuries.

I don't know what I'm going to tell our children. Youngest is very young. I want to puke thinking they'll never remember a time we were together.

We are both directors of company. I don't know how that will work. It was my company initially.

You need some professional advice regarding the business and your financial situation. If that can be worked out please do ditch him, you're worth far more and so are your children.

He spent 5k when you are struggling and lied about it! Not ok. Can the trip be cancelled for a full refund? Refuse to pay it! Then start working out how to get rid of this loser. One of the worst things I’ve read on mumsnet

He sounds like a compulsive liar! I wouldn't put up with it, but you do need to do what's best for you and the kids.
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whilst you work till 2am what is he getting up to ?

What an absolute bastard!!!
Please don't listen to his grovelling when he does because he's proved what a compulsive, selfish liar he is.
So sorry

Do you want to spend your life second guessing him and digging to find out the truth as he's lying? Not to mention how selfish he is. Two hobby holidays when his family haven't been away and you don't have the funds is so irresponsible and selfish. Surely you'd be better off separating. He would need to sell the business or buy you out. It sounds like it would crumble without you anyway as you're holding it up whilst he sods off on holidays

I don't understand how he thinks he can just lie and lie
Because you keep forgiving him.
Sorry but you have to get rid of him as he's just going to keep doing these things, why are you putting up with it?

This isn't just a lie.

You are working yourself into the ground working until 2am while he is off spending that on himself.

He doesn't give a shit about you.

Close the business down, get a proper job and a divorce.

Life is too short for this shit.

You won't look back and be glad.

Yep it's a steaming pile of shit. I can run the business myself but I'd need to hire someone as can't do kids & business during business day. Unlikely I have the cash flow to do it right now as money is going into other things.

I'm actually relieved thinking I could actually be free of him. He shouts a lot at the kids And is always glued to his phone.

I have to micro manage everything to do with home / family / business. He would never even respond to a client email unless I specifically told him to. Every single day I pick up his dirty underwear off the floor, put it in the basket, wash it, dry it, fold it, put it away for him. I do everything.

I actually asked him to go get a real job because he's not good in our business and I would prefer to hire someone who is motivated and professional. Not sure if I can do it financially but now I'm going to have to it seems.

I can imagine this all seems so complex and insurmountable right now. Can you break it down into chunks. Could a friend or relative help with the children temporarily so that you can focus on your business - ie getting him out of the picture legally and you getting back in full control.

He also needs to leave the home. He is contributing nothing. He's like a leech and I suspect that once he's stopped sucking everything from you you will be a much happier person.

I know it's very hard when you have children together but you say yourself he's not even that involved with them day to day.

You can and really must get out of this.

Confronted him tonight and he's come up with some convoluted story how it was all organised but he's wasn't really going to go even though its all in black and white. I'm so over it.

Don't even know why I'm posting. I've asked him to leave and he's refusing. Even laughed at me. Making it out that I'm crazy for even caring about this.

Literally isn't apologetic just making it out like I "haven't understood" and offered to "write it down" for me. So insulted. So tired. It actually makes things easier as he's not apologetic and sees nothing wrong with what he's done.

OK, OP, leave your personal feelings out of this for a minute.

How can you get him out of your business and employ someone else?

When you've got rid of him at least he will have to do some of the childcare?

You sound angry, and so you should be. Understand why you're angry, and why you should be angry, organise your feelings and then use that anger constructively to get rid. Never forget the anger you feel right now, but use it to mobilise your determination. How he sleeps at night is anyone's guess, but you are so determined and you are killing yourself at the minute to make things ok, it's clear that if you use that energy that you are constantly demonstrating to keep your familiy's head above water and then add that feeling of determination and anger intelligently, you can get through this without him just fine. You will be much better off without this baggage, he is just draining you. You have four children (take my hat off to you), not five have all the very best.

He may have to lose his passport at the last minute

Do you know how he paid for the trip..If you can cancel the 'holiday', flights, accommodation etc. Hopefully he'll find out when it's too late to do anything about it.

Then seek legal advice regarding your business. I can't quite work out from your OP whether your bad financial situation is personal or your business is in trouble. If it's the latter, fold It, get a job, move out and divorce him. Speak with your parents - could you and the children stay with them short term? It sounds awful but you would bounce back so much happier.

If your business is ok - you need the legal advice to have it signed over to you. Maybe as part of divorce ?? Sounds like you do most of the work anyway.

Just don't fall for his lies again. Stay strong you will be ok

Can you get. Anything back from the holiday ? Can you fire him from the business?

What a total betrayal and lack of respect for you
I'm sorry you are going through this xx

I don't understand how he thinks he can just lie and lie. . Because he's a liar and there's never been any consequences.

Finally, you've woken from your stupor, this man is not going to want to let go obfuscate the easy life you've enabled so be prepared to dig on. Make an appointment with a solicitor and start protecting yourself.