Just a vent

[LeopardPaws]

I've been thinking about posting this for a while but I don't even know where to begin!
Been with DP for 2 years, live together, no children.
I've been dissatisfied for a while but it's always made out that I'm the unreasonable one. A few examples from today, I was about to do the washing up/clean the kitchen and DP said 'don't worry I'll do it later' low and behold washing up has just all been piled in the sink. This always happens, I always get promised things and end up disappointed.
It sounds so petty but I suffer with bad anxiety and I don't like worrying about these things. I do all the cooking/food shops/paying for things/vast vast majority of the cleaning (except for a few blitzs of the house every month by DP). Lots of things get promised and then I end up having to do it all myself. I'm actually scared of bringing these problems up because it's always met with sulking, lots of 'I think I do my fair share of housework' etc.
I try to be a very cheerful person but DP is always grumpy, never showing any affection.
I've begged for more affection (not sex but hand holding, cuddles, kisses) and asked why I never get a hug when I'm upset, the answer was 'if you want a hug, just ask for one' yeah like that makes me feel special
I feel like I'm at the end of my tether. I work full time and DP part time and it's just very hard having to work and then come home and sort the house out, when DP hasn't done anything!

No children? It's a no brainer. He's not the right man for you.

It's quite difficult because DP is very manipulative and I'm a bit of a people pleaser, I just want an easy life but it's always made out that I'm the unreasonable one.
DP also suffers from depression and a lot of the behaviour is explained by 'when I get anxious I just shut down'. Which isn't great for the relationship!
I'm scared to make the first move of ending things because we still have a while on our housing tenancy. I'm quite young and have no savings.

Why are you working part-time, OP? It's always hard to get any money together if you're not working full time. Can you increase your hours at work?

Do you have friends outside of the relationship?

How long is on your lease? Is there any way of getting out of it early, even if you lose a deposit? Do you have family or friends you could go to?

HolllowTalk, I work full time, DP works part time.
I do have some friends but no one I can really talk to about this as they're mainly DP friends too.

I was wondering about ending the lease early but if I email the landlord and ask and then he says 'no' it will be very awkward living with DP in the meantime. We still have 8 months on the tenancy.

Oh sorry, I misread that.

Why doesn't he work full time, then? He has depression, but you have anxiety. His illness shouldn't outweigh yours.

I would ask the landlord but ask him to keep it to himself.

If your partner has so many bloody friends he can go and live with them and see how they like it.

There's always a way out, you know! I know it's really difficult, but there is a way out. What about your family? Could you stay with anyone there for a couple of months?

His not doing anything shows a real lack of respect. I know others will say that he's depressed, but if he wants to live with someone he has to show some respect. You are overworked if you are working full time then doing everything in the house.

One answer might be to just take his word for it that he'll do the dishes etc and just leave it for him.

DP works part time mainly because there are member of their family who can send money! It's very different to how I was brought up, if I have financial worries, I'M the one who has to get myself out of it.

I could ask DP to move out but I doubt that would happen as DP doesn't really see anything wrong with what is happening and is apparently happy in our relationship?? Meanwhile I cry every day because I'm so exhausted with it all.
I could stay with a family member but that is a while away and I'd have to leave my job/studies.

Sorry if I'm seeming vague but I have family members on MN and don't want to be recognised.

I do try and leave the dishes or leave the house a mess but it just makes me so upset because I know I'm waiting for DP to do something that just won't happen. I can't stand the mess, our kitchen is small and smells quickly if left dirty.

Seriously you need to end it. He's not prepared to put in the effort to your relationship or anything else.

You say yourself that you're young - get out while you have no real commitments. Can you move out until the tenancy is up if he won't?

I am very young - early 20s.
I do have someone I could stay with but I wouldn't be able to continue my studies (I wouldn't be able to do it online or anything). I know there are ways I could get out of this relationship but I feel so trapped. I don't have the mental/emotional strength.

Is there a college/university near where your family lives? If so, you can transfer courses.

Honestly, sometimes everything just seems overwhelming. The fact is that if you do a runner, nobody will come after you for the rent. You will be giving up your deposit by doing it, but if you can stay with family, who cares? Your boyfriend will be helped out by his family - it's clear they're used to doing that. If they think throwing money at him is the best thing to do, they need another think, but now and here it's useful for you.

Who would you go to? Do they have a car? Would they be prepared to come and pick you up?

You know that courses start in September. Why not make a move before then?