Trying to leave abusive DH but keep getting pushed down

[DeadClic]

I've been in an abusive marriage for 5 1/2 years. 3 years ago I reached out to PIL for help during an incident when I was pregnant. MIL coldly said 'I'm busy right now, I'll call you in an hour'. Obviously that hour was not pleasant and my husband took my phone and texted PIL to say I was lying then made me 'confess' over the phone.

Through posting on MN, then speaking anonymously w Women's Aid, then finally speaking to a therapist, I've finally gained the courage to tell my family what's been happening. My brother has said he doesn't want to 'get involved' in marital problem. My sister said I should 'think of the children'. MIL apparently recorded the 'confession' and texts and is now using them to discredit me.

I feel so worn out. It took so much effort for me to get to this point, I just don't think I can go any further. If it wasn't for my beautiful children I wouldn't see any need for me to live.

I'm so defeated.

Who gives a fuck about the idiots who don't believe you. Your children need you to do this.

"It always seems impossible until it's done." Dig deep and do this for yourself and your children. Believe in yourself xxx

Oh OK its heartbreaking that your family arent your net but their are some amazing charities like women's aid who will Step in to help you.

Of course the MIL is going to defend her baby boy and apples dont fall far from the tree.

Please do what you need to do to be safe and dont rely on these people with any information.

You haven't mentioned your parents? Are they an option?

Please leave and get your children and yourself safe.

Fine. If they don't want to help, there are other avenues to go down.

I found in the darkest moments of my life that I desperately wanted people to be there for me but it was an uncomfortable thing for them to talk about so they weren't.
Not everyone gets it right... I have since forgiven those people but it made me realise I was on my own pretty much to cope with my trauma.

You can do this on your own, I promise. You have to draw strength from your children and do it for them. Abusive relationships are dreadful for children to be around and I remember my parents arguments very clearly. Moreso the feelings they brought about in me.

Talk to WomensAid and find a nearby shelter. Take your kids. It sounds like your sister is the slightly more supportive one? Maybe she's your family support?
Can you get things in place? Money? Pack when he's at work?

You don’t need external validation - you know what’s happening.

Do what’s right for you and your children. The right thing is to leave.

Your brother is a twat. But your sister is right, but not in the way she means: think of the children! They really need you to get them away from this man. They need you to be strong. They need to not have abuse as their normal.

I was once where u are. My equally abusive family revelled in it. Loved criticising me for being with him, telling me I was weak / stupid / pathetic. But when I asked for help they closed the door on me. It was my own fault, my bed to lie in, brought it on myself etc etc. My entire family literally cut me off. Even the police were awful to me. One female domestic abuse officer actually told me she wasn't going to help me as she didn't believe me.

But I still left him anyway. In fact I made him leave. I packed his stuff, changed the locks.

There were weeks of harassment. Phone calls and turning up at the house. Stalking me in his car.

It was so hard. I was lonely anf I was on the brink of losing my sanity and will to live more than once.

But it DID get better! Soooo much better. He eventually got bored and moved on to shacking up with some other poor sod. I eventually realised the benefits of NOT having my awful unsupportive emotionally abusive family who had kept me down for years with the constant bullying and belittling. I got stronger and stronger.

In my growing strength I realised I was worth more. With this new self-belief I met a wonderful supportive loving man who made my life complete (although tbh I had grown quite fond of singledom by that point!)

You CAN do it. You are worth it. Your life has value. You deserve to not be treated so abhorrently by anyone, least of all your DH. You will find strength where you didn't realise you had it and your confidence will grow. Then one day you'll look back and think "Why didn't I do it sooner?!"

leaving is really hard but life is so much better once you’re not in an abusive relationship. Women’s Aid and therapist can be your support of family won’t. You can do this!

Forget your brother and sister. They obviously don't love or care about you.

Keep on the road to escape from the abuse.

Good luck