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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

How do you come to terms that your mum will never be like everyone else's?

37 replies

KissMeLikeYouMissMe · 24/08/2018 20:09

My mum seems to have totally given up on life. She has always had issues with MH (depression since I was a baby- she takes medication but refuses to engage in therapy which I think would help as 30+ years of anti depressants have done nothing and caused a lot of side effects) and has also had several incidences of very serious illness- cancer. When she was ill she fought so hard, through one bout she carried on working the whole time because of the financial hardships the previous bouts of illness had caused her. She has been all clear of the big c for over 10 years but since then has been declining year by year.
She has lost interest in life, she never gets in contact with me unless there is a problem or she needs something- I try to help her as much as possible but I feel she has very little interest in my life unless I facilitate it. She complains thar she doesn't see the kids enough but never makes the effort to see them, if I take them to her house she ignores them and caries on reading her book or doing puzzles in the news paper. She barely engages in conversation when you go to her house in favour of doing things that interest her. My kids love seeing nanny but if they stay overnight she just let's them stay up all night and refuses to enforce any rules what soever so we had to put an end to it. There have been times where she hadn't fed them either when she's agreed to look after them so we don't tend to leave them there unsupervised. If you make any comments she becomes incredibly defensive and acts like I'm telling her she's an awful person.
Everything has become too much effort. Ie she'll live in the dark for weeks rather than changing a light bulb.
We used to have a really good relationship, she'd call me a few times a week for a chat.....come over for tea regularly, pick the kids up from school just because they loved it. She does none of that now.....in fact I've left it weeks before without calling her and heard nothing from her (just to see if she'd call me) I caved in after about 5 weeks because I was worried about her and I missed her.

She's only in her 60s so not massively old. I see all my friends having wonderful relationships with their mums and I feel like I'm missing out on so much- we take her out on trips and she will sit in the coffee shop the whole time and barely engage in the day. she's just come back from holiday and barely interacted with my nieces. My siblings feel the same.......we all support her as much as possible but she will often fly off the handle for no reason. if they were arguing she'd refuse to get involved even if one was being glaringly horrible to the other. It's like she doesnt care about anything. It's been getting worse and worse over the years and it hurts. I'm crying as I write this because I just want my mum back. My father died when I was young si we missed out on all the parts of life of having a dad and it feels like we have lost her too.

OP posts:
junebirthdaygirl · 26/08/2018 20:54

I genuinely thing you need to make a firm decision to accept her as she is. The space between reality and fantasy is filled by depression. You have a fantasy of what a lovely warm mum/ gran would be but the reality is this is not going to happen. I'm sorry. Could you decide, say, for 6 months that you will expect nothing from her. Just give her what you feel able to give in terms of calls/ visits/ outings.
Some peoples mothers are alcoholics/ brutal/ annoying/ dead etc. Decide to see that the image you have of a mother is a fantasy..some have it..but lots survive without it. Look to your own family. Be as good a mum as you can. Your children will be fine.
I believe this will help.

Halfahunnerstillastunner · 26/08/2018 21:08

I'm so sorry OP. It sounds to me like she's in the grip of an overwhelming depression that she literally cannot climb out of. (Not ASD!). If you can persuade her to engage with doctors for further help, amazing. But as I suspect it may not happen, I agree with others advice about setting your own boundaries and only giving what you can.
You don't sound selfish. You sound like a lost little girl wanting the unconditional love we all deserve. x Thanks

premiertav · 26/08/2018 21:20

joboy

Fuck off.

Lavenderdays · 27/08/2018 10:43

I'm so sorry OP but I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. I grew up with an emotionally unavailable mother who has suffered depression for most of her adult life (but refuses to admit she has a problem and get help). June has given some good advice I think. I am estranged from my mother now (extreme and not necessarily recommending) and tbh, sad though it is, I feel like a weight has lifted. For years I think I waited for something which wasn't going to happen and in the end I became the parent in the relationship, which with 3 dc's felt like a massive pressure. It is the fantasy mother that I miss, not the actual one but it must be a little more confusing in your case because you do have some happy memories where as I have none. My dad is not much better and I rarely see him either. I think I do what June has said mostly, I concentrate on my own family. That's not to say I sometimes don't feel envious about what others have but I know it's just not going to change. It's sad and we/our dc deserve better.

Aaaahfuck · 27/08/2018 12:02

I'm sorry you're going through this. I have similar issues with my mum. It is so hard. Your mum does sound like she has depression. However you seem to have tried to get help for her which she won't accept. Depression or not her behaviour is still effecting you.

Unfortunately I don't have the answer but it is a process of accepting her as she is and focus on your own life and family. I by no means think this solves the problem, there will still be times when you feel her lack of presence.

From my own experience it's really important you remind yourself that it's not your fault. You aren't causing this! I used to feel if I was just a bit better I'd be more accepted.

Lavenderdays · 27/08/2018 18:03

Yes Aaaah, I also used to feel that if I was just a bit better, I'd be more accepted and things would be different. My mother actually told me that I didn't want to be cuddled as a child, that it was my fault that she smoked and I felt that it was my fault that she stayed married to my dad for longer than she should (for the kids) when actually it was the loss of her financial security that she was most worried about. None of her actions/decisions were about making sure that I was okay. Even now, I suppose I sometimes feel guilt for not supporting her etc. just because she is my mother.

RabbitsAreTasty · 27/08/2018 18:25

Everybody else does not have the perfect nurturing earth mother who is locally available in adulthood. That's a fantasy you have made up about other people. Sorry to be so blunt but that's delusional thinking.

Stop trying to "fix" her personality to match what you want from a mother.

I know it is a bloody horrible thing to accept but accept it you must. Your long posts are all about her and how she isn't what you want her to be. You have to start writing your own story about your life from now on, given that you've got one of the shit mothers.

I have a shite mother too. Honestly life gets a hell of a lot better when you let go of "fixing" her personality.

Whenever you find yourslef focussing on her, try to put her out of your mind and focus on your life and how you choose to live it.

Potplant2 · 27/08/2018 20:29

I agree with Rabbits. I have a similar mother. Like you, I’ve tried to get her to own her problems and get therapy or support, as well as trying to help her find social activities etc, but she simply won’t do it and prefers to sit at home all day bring increasingly bitter and nasty about the world and, especially, about her family (who in her mind have all failed her by not somehow making all her problems vanish through some unspecified means).

There’s lots more to it than that but that’s the basic outline.

You have to detach and really acknowledge that she’s an adult and has chosen to live this way, if by no other means than refusing therapy or anything else that might change her mindset. And focus on you. Decide what level of contact you want with her and stick to it. Perhaps have some counselling to help grieve, but in any case I find it helpful to acknowledge that grief comes in waves and there are better times. I’ll never get over having a mother like this but I find ways to live with it and find my own happiness where I can.

She’s never been a close or nurturing mother, so at least I don’t have the pain of having lost that (though I do wonder if your memories have something of a rose tint about them? My sister also says she misses nice kind Mum but I have no memories of that person ever existing, and I’m the older one).

There is a social pressure to pretend everyone’s got a lovely close mum, but in reality a lot of us live without ever having known that. I just try to be the kind and nurturing mother to myself that I never had, for instance by challenging negative self-talk and trying to look after myself well. And having good female friends who are kind to me as I am to them.

I can remember my grandmother being like my mother is now, when she got old. My biggest fear is that I will go the same way. I’m trying to do a lot of work on myself, coping skills, resilience, social connection, mindfulness.... to give myself the best chance of avoiding it.

Lavenderdays · 27/08/2018 22:29

Potplant...your post sounds very wise. I think I would love to have more good friends and I think what I am looking for now is older female friends. Most likely this is to fill the gap my mother has left (I know this gap can never be completely filled) but I would love somebody to impart their words of wisdom, especially someone to bounce stuff off of in relation to my own children because they have been there and done that hopefully in a balanced more normal sort of way to my own mother, thus being a sort of role model I suppose.

Potplant2 · 28/08/2018 06:48

Ha! I may sound wise but having to spend time with either of my parents still has the power to turn me into a temporary emotional wreck! Telling myself all that I told you is the only thing that gets me through it.

On friends: I don’t know how old you are but I’m in (very!) early muddle age and one of the lovely things I’ve found about now compared to being in my 20s is that my friends have got older and wiser too and with every year that passes they’re a bit more able to fill that gap. As I am for myself, too.

NadiaLeon · 28/08/2018 06:51

I'm sorry your mum is mentally ill. Work hard o yourself to accept it.

Potplant2 · 28/08/2018 08:14

*middle age, not muddle age. Though now I come to think of it...

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